Cox and Arquette Selling Lautner House (redux)

SELLER: David Arquette and Courtney Cox
LOCATION: Carbon Beach, Malibu, CA
PRICE: $33,500,000
SIZE: 4,486 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Once in a lifetime opportunity to acquire a world class architectural estate, The Segal Residence by John Lautner. 80 feet of frontage on Carbon Beach. Call listing agent for details. Pre-qualified clients only.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Oh Dear hunnies, Your Mama has made a terrible mistake. Thanks to a reader who was paying better attention than Your Mama was, we have discovered we have directed the babies towards the wrong house the Cox/Arquette's have recently purchased in Malibu. At first we thought, well, who cares, this is just a blog and we can't always be correct. Then we remembered all the lovely notes, cards, and flowers from the children and thought it would be better to admit, then correct our mistake.

Seems the house(s) purchased are actually next door to the large white place we discussed the other day...So now that we're not loaded on valiums we are going to replace our commentary and photo of the correct properties. Please forgive Your Mama, we all make mistakes.

Oh my, this is such a great house to bring to all the children. We came across this on Media Bistro and are finally getting around to bringing you the details. Not only is it celebrity owned, it was designed and built by a celebrity architect by the name of John Lautner. Now babies, if y'all don't know who Mister Lautner is, please go to the library and check out a nice picture book for yourself to spend a few hours with. This man is a god in the pantheon of contemporary and progressive architects.

Miss Cox and her goofy husband purchased this house on Carbon Beach only a few years ago in 2001 for about $12,000,000. That was a tremendous sum of money for an oceanfront property back then and it created quite a buzz in the bizness and among Malee-booans. But it was the tail end of the celebrity architect craze (think Richard Neutra and the Case Study houses) so the seller was able to fetch top dollar.

None the less, in just about six or seven years, this young-ish Hollywood power couple are looking to make close to a $20,000,000 profit. Now that takes some nerve even in the rocketing Malibu market of late. This very high price is particularly stunning to us as someone in the know in the Malee-boo real estate business tells Your Mama the house is priced significantly over what it should be given it needs a total restoration. See, the Cox/Arquette folks maintained the property quite nicely, but according to our source, the house has "not been touched" since it was built in 1979. And hunnies, that means it needs some updating. Hopefully the new owner with do the work while maintaining the integrity of the original structure.

Anyhoo, Your Mama is a big fan of Mister Lautner and this is one of those rare structures where the swooping roof lines and staggering walls of glass do not give us the vertigo or make us think we're looking at some thing an architect just tried too hard to make "interesting."

We don't really know why the couple is selling the house. Perhaps they are not interested in taking on the necessary restoration. Maybe they just want more privacy. Or maybe it has to do with the house next door that was recently purchased for $18,000,000 and is scheduled to be torn down and replaced with something far more grandiose. Or maybe they just see an opportunity to make ten or 15 million bucks. A few interior shots can be seen here.

Whatever the case, like many of the other properties purchased and sold by the Cox/Arquette duo over the last several years, including their current "town" residence on Wallace Ridge, this property was purchased through their Bring It Trust. Your Mama thinks this is the best celebrity real estate trust name yet.

And as it turns out, they've already purchased their next home in Malee-boo, also through their Bring It Trust. The new weekend house is up the road a piece and offers the couple and their kiddie named Coco far more privacy than the Lautner house. Now, Your Mama does not know much about the new house, but the aerial has the house looking like a 1950's ranch style and according to the property records it is just that: 2,142 square feet with 5 bedrooms and 3 baths. Your Mama can only assume this architecure buff couple is either going to raze the thing or it has some interesting elements we can't see from the air. Could it be a Cliff May house? That would certainly explain the move from a Lautner. Or are these two planning on building some thing new and fabulous from the ground up with a big name architect?

As it turns out, their purchase also includes the small house to the left...a tiny 750 square foot 1 bedroom house on a single and separate lot. Although the two house do appear to share a driveway, they are separate tax lots. Perhaps this is where the nanny will be staying? Or maybe office space to run their budding television production empire?

Children, there are a few issues we're having with this place. First of all, we were hoping for a heated swimming pool. There seems to be room and we're hoping the Cox/Arquettes will indeed add that luxury soon.

We are also concerned about the hike down the bluff. This hillside does not look Your Mama friendly and we see ourselves possibly slipping and sliding all the way down. We think it would be best if we do not take our valiums before starting down the hill. We are hoping the green roofed shack near the beach is a storage area. With a hill like that to climb Your Mama can not be wrassling with our tote bag filled with the cocoa butter, a Danielle Steel novel, the Fiji water mister, sun hat, towels, radio, pill bottles, and all the other necessaries for having a nice day at the beach. This little shed would be a perfect place to stash the equipment.

We just hope that precocious Coco child does not think it's cute to be running Your Mama up and down that cliff while we're babysitting.

Sources: Media Bistro, Curbed LA

Real Estate Pornography VIII (Updated 02/07/07)

SELLER: Rick and Fabienne Guerin
LOCATION: North Alpine Drive, Beverly Hills, CA
PRICE: $31,000,000
SIZE: 11,891 square feet, 7 bedrooms, 7 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Early California Architecture Statement on Rare 2+flat acre BH Estate. Rolling lawn, formal garden, long gated drive, sunken tennis court, soaring beam ceilings, extraordinary tile detail, fabulous master with pvt veranda and city lights beyond. Huge pool, sensational kitchen, media room, separate guest house, 6-car garage, wonderful patio for outdoor entertaining, huge motor court, most prestigious north of Sunset location, terrific privacy and pristine condition. 4 bd suites plus 2 maids.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: This is one of those ridiculously expensive properties that have languished on the market for years. This is really saying something given the scorching hot Los Angeles real estate market the last several years. The listing agent, the incomparable Joyce Rey, has done a stellar job presenting the property, but alas, it remains as yet unwanted. Your Mama has been following the trials and travails of this property for quite some time and we thought it was time we showed it to the all the children.

The two plus acre property, purchased in 1989 for around $6,500,000, is currently owned by Rick and Fabienne Guerin. According to a very well connected source we'll call Tina Tatler, the property was purchased from David Geffen as vacant land and the Guerin couple had the current house designed and built for the site.

The Mister Guerin is a big time investments dude over at Pacific Partners. Your Mama is not sure what the Mrs. Guerin does. For all we know she's a scientist working out a cure for cancer, but we prefer to think of her in a pair of kitten heels working the charity circuit all across the better parts of Los Angeles and spending her afternoons getting her hair highlighted at Frederic Fekkai on Rodeo Drive.

On a side note, Frederic Fekkai, hair guru to the rich and famous, is the "male friend" of Johnson & Johnson heiress Libbet Johnson who recently liquidated a number of New York real estate holdings including a townhouse in the West Village that once belonged to Meryl Streep as well as 20,000 square feet of conjoined apartments at the Trump International Hotel and Tower. We plan on posting some information on these transactions in the near future, so stay tuned.

Anyhoo, back to the Guerin property. According to a second source, an in the know Bev Hills real estate agent who has asked to remain anonymous, this house was on the market 2.5 years ago for $20,000,000 and slowly the price has ticked up to the current asking price of $31,000,000. Apparently, the homeowner feels even though the house is not selling, the price should be raised. Interesting theory, but not one Your Mama recommends. However, this Mister Guerin is obviously very good at making money, so maybe he knows something we don't about how to sell a home. When asked about the ever-increasing price Tina Tatler tells Your Mama it's "due to tremendous activity in the market and lack of inventory" for these types of estates.

Our second tipster birdie disagrees and tells Your Mama he thinks this style of house, in this price range, is a very tough sell in the flats. And you know what? Even though Your Mama likes this house quite a bit, we think the birdie might be correct.

Your Mama does not agree with all the furniture choices we see in the photos, but we are appreciating the juxtaposition of the white contemporary Florence Knoll-like sofas in the beamed-ceiling living room. We are a little confused about the grand piano in the entrance hall as it seemed a little obvious a choice for a rich person. Then we figured it's probably utilized during fundraisers where some tuxedoed musician tinkles the ivories for the hoi polloi and as such is most likely more functional that we first imagined.

The master bathroom we have mixed feelings about. The architecture is amazing and the wood beamed ceiling leaves Your Mama breathless. And while we are concerned the tile would give us a shock early in the morning when we are nursing a hangover, in theory, we like the vibrant multi-colored scheme considerably. On the other hand, the vanity in the middle of the room really must go. Your Mama would surely be tripping over that thing spilling our mirrors and atomizers all over the floor leaving a mess for the maid to pick up every morning.

Moving to the exterior...Your Mama always appreciates a proper gated estate with sunken tennis court and heated swimming pool. But what we are grooving on most of all is that long gravel drive. See Your Mama's Daddy's Mama had a long gravel drive. The sound of tires crunching on the wee pebbles always meant visitors were coming down the drive and it's an aural memory so strong Your Mama convinced the Dr. Cooter to do our driveways in a similar fashion.

Your Mama is unclear as to whether the Guerin's are still in residence at this property. We were told by one of our anonymous sources this couple recently purchased a (pre-construction) penthouse at The Californian, one of the Wilshire corridors newest and fanciest buildings. Reports show the penthouses are about 8,000 square feet and in the neighborhood of $9,000,000 to purchase. We can't imagine why anyone would give up an estate like this for an apartment, penthouse status not withstanding. But perhaps they intend to spend more time in another location and don't care to maintain such a large residential complex.

Sources: Coldwell Banker, Joyce Rey

Shaq's Shack Update

SELLER: Shaquille O'Neal
LOCATION: Star Island, Miami, FL

If you missed our first post on Shaq's Shack, click here.

Your Mama was contacted recently by a very well connected tipster in Miami whom we will call Billy Baldwin. No children, it was not the actor Billy Baldwin, we're just using his name because he's good looking in a smoldering, cheesy sort of way. Anyhoo, our Billy Baldwin had some interesting information about Shaq's Shack and the reasons this family is eager to sell their uber-expensive house.

Turns out, the O'Neal's purchased this home furnished. FURNISHED! They did undoubtedly hire a nice gay decorator to personalize the space, but they also undoubtedly kept some of the previous owner's furnishings and decor. Why would they buy it, if they didn't intend on keeping at least some of it, right?

Children, buying a house furnished disturbs us. Your Mama is not comfortable with the idea of sitting our big booty down on chesterfields that were belonging to strangers. It does not matter how expensive they might have been or even how rich and classy the previous owners may have been. One just never knows what nastiness has been on that fabric. It's no different than buying the furniture from a hotel.

If you watch the television at all you've seen those programs on 20/20 where they go into hotel rooms shining a blue light everywhere and testing the "material" that's found. Hunny, we are too decent to begin to tell you the kind of "fluids" they find all over the furniture, floors, walls AND ceilings, but we know it's enough to scare anyone from purchasing hotel furniture. Ever.

Anyhoo, Mr. Billy Baldwin also whispered in Your Mama's ears some information about why these O'Neal folks are wanting off of Star Island like all those people wanted off Gilligan's Island in the 1970s. Turns out, every weekend, boat after boat of "celebrity tours" stop out back of the house loaded down with people shouting, taking pictures, waving and otherwise making asses of themselves in the hopes of catching a glimpse of the tall man and his family.

All our loyal readers out there know how that shit makes Your Mama's blood boil. What is wrong with people? Paying to get on a boat and float around looking at the backsides of famous people's houses? Please. That is just stupid. If we've said it once, we've said it 1,000 times: If the children want to look at pictures of famous folks and their homes, read the tabs and online outlets. It is in shockingly bad form to be showing up at a person's house hooting and hollering asking for photos.

What are these people thinking? That the celebrity is going to ask them in for tea? Or have them over for a slumber party? Oh no. Trust us when Your Mama tells you they're smiling at these nuts thinking what a bunch of freak-os they are to be bugging them at home. Oh Lawhd, we are so upset now we're hyper-ventilating. Your Mama has got to go now and find us a paper bag to breathe into and get the Dr. Cooter to prescribe us some blood pressure pills.