Danny Masterson in Beachwood Canyon

SELLER: Danny Masterson
LOCATION: Holly Mont Drive, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $1,595,000
SIZE: 4 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Live above it all in a beautiful and unique Spanish with amazing views. An oasis located within minutes of shops, restaurants and entertainment. Excellent vintage craftsmanship. This home has so much character, from its dramatic front door, to its custom paint and marble and gold leaf fireplace. Master-suite with retractable projection screen and surround sound, large kitchen and dining room, multi-terraced yard with private pool and hot tub. Perfect for entertaining. 2-car garage.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Let's see, what does Your Mama know about Danny Masterson? We know that for eight seasons and 194 episodes, he brought his white man afro and dry sense of humor to the now defunct That '70s Show, which produced a handful of big name television actors including Aston Kutcher and lady-killer Wilmer Valderama with whom Masterson has invested in a couple of restaurants including the Italian eatery Dolce on Melrose Avenue in Los Angeles and Geisha House on Hollywood Boulevard.

Along with another of his '70s Show costars, this time flame haired Laura Prepon, Masterson has also invested in an industry magazine about playing poker. Your Mama is bored to tears by poker, or any other form or gambling for that matter, but we understand that for years Masterson and his peeps have had a regular poker night.

If you live in or around L.A. and spend your time club hopping where the celebrities go to get away from the common folk, you prolly know that Masterson is a budding DJ who goes by the brilliant and slightly disturbing moniker DJ Mom Jeans.

We also know that our young Mister Masterson is a proud and vocal life-long Scientologist, having been raised up in the "religion." We could take some pot shots about Zenu, getting "clear" and/or that freaky king of Scientology Tommy Crooz, but the truth is we like this Danny Masterson, so we're not going to touch that shit.

Property records are a wee bit confusing on this one, but as best as we can tell, Mister Masterson purchased this home in July of 1998 for just $560,000. This would have been right about the time Masterson landed his lucrative and long running role on That '70s Show.

Your Mama is not sure we're appreciative of all the decorating choices Mister Masterson has made in his Beachwood Canyon house, but we are just so relieved and pleased to see a house that actually feels like it reflects the owner's personality and interests. We love a beautifully decorated house all done up by a nice gay decorator, but even more, we like to see a house with a quirky and idiosyncratic personality.

This house is not trying to impress anyone, and for what it's worth, this is exactly how Your Mama recommends young Hollywood live. Unlike some other young and rich celebs, say The Spitter Avril Lavigne, Mister Masterson lives with an admirable modesty. Because let's be honest, what does a famous person in their 20's need with 10 bedrooms and 12 bathrooms? Please.

In addition to Masterson's many and varied interests and projects, it appears that he frequently invests in Los Angeles real estate. Property records indicate the level-headed actor has bought at least six apartments and small apartment buildings in the last several years, sometimes on his own, sometimes with his brother Chris, and sometimes with a fellow Scientologist named Ben Shulman. In July of 2003 Masterson purchased an apartment on Revere Avenue in Los Angeles and sold it on to costar Laura Prepon for a $165,000 profit after owning the place less than one year. It seems that along with a talent for acting, our Mister Masterson has an impressive knack for making savvy real estate investments.

Being somewhat familiar with the once electric and increasingly slow Los Angeles real estate market, Your Mama expects this house will sell quickly and at a good price. Bully for Mister Masterson who will walk away from this house with more than 1,000,000 smackers. Don't know where Masterson is planning to live now, but we sincerely hope he's keeping it real and not out shopping for a 12,000 square foot palace in Beverly Hills.

Sources: Truth about Scientololgy, Internet Movie Data Base, Superior Pics

A Little Horn Tooting...

Your Mama is not one to shout from the mountaintops but this was totally unexpected and fun. Thanks to the Life and Style folks at the Times UK (Online).

Brandon Davis' Daddy's Crib in the Birds

SELLER: Nebil Zarif
LOCATION: Nightingale Drive, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: Upon Request
SIZE: 6,000 square feet (main house), 2,000 square feet (guest house) 7 bedrooms, 7.5 bathrooms (total)
DESCRIPTION: This is the most beautiful "bird street" estate on the market. While this house sits on a bluff a top the Doheny Estates, it is full of character, style and grace. The estate boasts the greatest sweeping city and ocean views in the country. It is the dream home of any entertainer, as it flaunts everything sexy about this city. It was completely redone and finished with incredibly elaborate finishes, with sound and technology complete throughout. There are 5 bedrooms and 6 and one-half bathrooms in the 6,000 plus square foot main house, and 2,000 square feet in the permitted guest apartment which is elegantly appointed with 2 bedrooms, one full bathroom, and full kitchen.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Yesterday Your Mama discussed "Lionsgate," the palatial and long time home of Brandon Davis' mommy Nancy. Today we have this lovely bird street house which is the home of Brandon Davis' daddy, wine importer and grape grower Nebil Zarif, who goes by the name "Bilo." Honestly, Your Mama doesn't know squat about Mister Bilo, but we too often read about his unfortunate and unbelievably ill-mannered offspring.

According to many reports, including on the very funny Socialite Life blog, not so long ago Brandon Davis attended Paris Hilton's birthday party in Los Angeles. At some point during the party, sweaty scion Brandon Davis picked the newly thin and taut Courtney Love up off the ground and told her, in front of her daughter Frances Bean mind you, that he wanted to "squirt" on her. That's right. Gasps and mortification all around.

But that's not even the worst of it. Before he subjected Miz Love to his embarrassing and adolescent mating calls, he spent a few minutes taunting "singer/dancer" and American Idol judge Miz Paula Abdul. According to multiple reports, the jobless moron tossed flowers at her, tried to cajole her into a sex act that isn't even legal in some states, and mocked her heritage by speaking in gibberish with a Middle Eastern accent.

Now babies, we too think Miz Paula Abdul is a bit of a case, and we're not entirely sure why Paris would make the unusual choice to have Miz Paula Abdul sing at her birthday party. AND we know you can't believe everything you read in the tabs and blogs, but Your Mama is so believing this story. And this is why...it gets EVEN WORSE.

That's right children, as you may have gathered from the young and restless heirs father's name, bloated Brandon Davis is himself Turkish-American. More gasps all around. This hypocritical, self-loathing fool is making fun of Miz Paula Abdul's ancestry when he himself is Middle Eastern by descent? Are you fucking kidding me?

How did this oaf get the surname Davis you might ask? Apparently Big Daddy Marvin Davis was not happy about his beloved daughter Nancy hooking up, marrying, and procreating with Mister Zarif. So, reports say, the tall and wide billionaire gave Mister Zarif money to back off, and baby Brandon was given the maternal family name so as to disguise and smoke screen the truth about his lineage. Rich people can be so clever and delusional.

And why is it that we pay any attention to this boob? Why is it we care enough to spend all morning writing about this dumdum? Trust us when we tell you our therapist will be getting an earful of that shit today.

As usual, we digress. What we're really here to discuss of course is the real estate. It's unclear to Your Mama if this house is currently for sale or if it has been taken off the market, and property records that we accessed do not indicate a recent sale. What we do know is that the house was recently on the market for an undisclosed asking price and was being marketed through a relative of the Davis/Zarif clan.

Located just up the street from the sleek and sexy house Byron Allen has been trying to flip, the property occupies two parcels with spectacular views of Los Angeles. The long, low house has been done up in a pleasing sort of Casbah meets Mediterranean meets Los Angeles style. We've got a tile roof and velvet covered furniture. We've got dark wood floors, stainless steel kitchen appliances and a Turkish looking credenza in the dining room. We've got flowing white curtains around the bed, an outdoor fireplace with an Arabic arch, and a swimming pool set up that is quintessentially L.A. with staggering views and a modified kidney shape.

Whatever we might think of Brandon Davis and his messy, entitled ways, we L.O.V.E. his daddy's house in the birds. We'd make a few changes in the furniture, pull down that pot rack, replace the dining room chandelier, and toss a few more succulents around the pool deck, but otherwise, we think this house would be loved and adored by just about anyone who finds L.A. living attractive.

Your Mama recommends to whomever buys this house that they change all the locks and upgrade the security so that they're safe and secure when and if young Brandon Zarif comes a-knocking after a long night boozing it up at whichever club was desperate enough to let him past the velvet rope.

Sources: NY Daily News, Socialite Life, US Weekly, The Blemish, Hollywood Backwash, HGTV