UPDATE: Shelter Island's Shorewood Manor

SELLER: Chris Knight
LOCATION: Shorewood Road and Apple Orchard Lane, Shelter Island, New York
PRICE: $24,900,000
SIZE: 8 acres, 8,500 square feet, 11 bedrooms, 5.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: With just about 8 acres total, this home features all the details of the grand era gone by. Original moldings, windows and hardwood floors, this home is ready for a 21st century renovation. Approximately 8,500 sq ft in total, the possibilities of a total renovation are endless. Over 1,000 feet of waterfront and a honeymoon cottage located at the waters edge and an impressive history of ownership, this once in a lifetime chance to own this property should not be missed. Property also features an original Celtic style water tower and massive copper beach trees.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Shorewood Manor, the Shelter Island estate formerly owned by New York State governor Hugh Carey, has recently seen a massive price reduction form $33,000,000 to the still astronomical asking price of $24,900,000. The property is still being marketed as a fixer-upper, but it appears that current owner Chris Knight has wisely put a little money into making it look nice for prospective buyers.

As many of y'all will recall, Your Mama discussed this property and our intimate knowledge of the place back in early April 2007, which was not long after Mister Knight purchased the property for a reported $10,000,000 and just two weeks later put it back on the market for a staggering $33,000,000. That much of a mark up in that short of a time period takes some serious real estate cajones. While Your Mam never thought for an instant that Mister Knight would get anywhere near 33 million clams, we have to stand up and applaud Mister Knight's brazen money grab.

From the new photos, the interior looks to have been sanded and painted and stuffed full of eclectic furniture, some of which looks like catering company furniture and some of which looks like it might be better suited to an outdoor patio or screened porch. None the less, the old gurl is looking better than she has in years.

Your Mama has read and heard that the estate can be rented for special occasions and certainly this would be a spectacular location for a soiree of the Hamptons hoi polloi...if you can get them to cross over on the nearby ferry.

We have no doubt this property is worth more than the $10,000,000 Mister Knight paid for the place, but we still have a hard time getting our itty bitty and tired mind around the idea that someone might pay upwards of $20,000,000 for a house that needs updated and upgraded everything, and we mean everything.

It is the humble and meaningless opinion of Your Mama that Mister Knight would be better off listing the stunning 8 acre property with 270 degree views at $16,500,000 and selling somewhere around fourteen...that would certainly net him a few million. However, given that he's clearly looking for a $10-15,000,000 profit on his investment, perhaps it's worthwhile for him to wait it out, even if it takes years to sell.

Best of luck with that Mister Knight.

Rent Dan Aykroyd's (Allegedly) Haunted House

OWNER: Dan Aykroyd and Donna Dixon
LOCATION: Woodrow Wilson Drive, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $30,000 / month
SIZE: 4,828 square feet, 5 bedrooms, 5.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Gorgeous English Country celebrity compound behind the gates for total privacy. Extraordinary taste & style, furnished in turn-key condition, fabulous ground, superb pool.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: For some reason, Your Mama has increasing amounts of information on celebrity owned houses that are available for short and long term lease. For example, we have previously discussed homosexual boy band graduate Lance Bass' house of two swimming pools, we've discussed Faye Dunaway's West Hollywood hideout, and a hundred moons ago, we discussed the spectacular Runyon Canyon residence of Naomi Foner and Stephen Gyllenhaal (parents of famous sibs Maggie and Jake). Today we're going to be letting it fly about venerable comedian and original cast member of Saturday Night Live Dan Aykroyd and actress wifey Donna Dixon's allegedly haunted house high in the Hills of Hollywood.

The secluded "English Country" style residence has a long history of celebrity owners including Beatles drummer Ringo Starr. The property was also called home by one of the most famous mamas that ever was, the corpulent and hugely talented Cass Elliot from the legendary folk rock group The Mamas and the Papas.

Listing information for the 4,828 square foot house indicates there are 5 bedrooms and 5.5 bathrooms (property records show 6 bedrooms and 7 bathrooms), and is available on short term lease for $30,000 per month, fully furnished. Listing information shows the couple is willing to negotiate the price on a long term rental. Interestingly, no one seems to want to lease this house. Listing information Your Mama received from a very smart and talented realtor in the valley we'll call Big Bird shows the property has been on the rental market for more than 450 days, which is a very long time.

Oh hunnies, with all due respect to the Aykroyd/Dixon household, Your Mama could not be paid $30,000 a month to live up in this house. And it's not because of that awful kitchen where that horrid and eyeball assaulting floral wallpaper has been stuck to every flat surface in the room including the damn ceiling. Oh, no. The reason Your Mama would not be found sleeping up in this house is because the house is reported to be haunted.

Of course, Your Mama has no peersonal experience of the house being haunted, but Mister Aykroyd, a man with a huge and well known fascination of all things paranormal, claims himself that the house is inhabited by apparitions, stating that a poltergeist has gotten into bed with him (what!?!), turned on the Stairmaster, and moved jewelry across the dresser. He also said, "I'm sure it's Mama Cass because you get the feeling it's a big ghost."

Children, back in our university days, Your Mama lived in a haunted house, and let us tell you, there was no peace to be found in that house. That damn ghost would rattle things, hide things and STEAL things. Yes, we said steal things. I'm telling you the honest truth here babies. Your Mama came home from Latin class one day to find all the drinking cups in the house gone. GONE. Another day we returned home to find all the flatware had vanished. After having a crazy fat lady come over and do a séance in the middle of the night during which the entire second floor of the house heated up to more 90 degrees and the walls began to sweat, Your Mama packed up and moved our belongings out of that scary house right quick.

Anyhoo, despite our passionate love of white sofas, Your Mama finds most of the interior photos of this house to be done up in a boring Pottery Barn 101 style that has collided with a frumpy British woman. Except for that amazing library, which looks like something marvelous and decadent out of a mad Count's castle in Bavaria, or maybe the library in a massive 16-room Park Avenue palace inhabited by an educated and bohemian heiress and her well-traveled and well-read male companion.

The flat and grassy backyard area certainly provides enough space to run the dogs and exercise the children until they drop from exhaustion, and the natural stone pool deck appears to be sufficiently sunny. Your Mama is certainly not keen on that massive chunk of lattice work we see on the end of the house, but we do imagine it's a sun dappled and cool spot to suck down gin and tonics while the children frolic in the pool with their various nannies and security personnel.

Property records reveal that in addition to this Hollywood Hills house, The Canadian born Mister Aykroyd, a co-founder of the House of Blues empire, appears to maintain another Los Angeles residence on Selma Avenue, which records indicate he owns in partnership with his brother Peter, an actor and psychic researcher, whatever that is. We also located residences for Mister Aykroyd in on East 89th Street in New York City, as well as a property on Martha's Vineyard, a favorite East Coast hangout for the rich, famous and discreet. Some reports say that Mister Aykroyd also maintains a summer home in Kingston, Ontario, Canada, around Loughborough Lake.

A March 2002 report in Forbes stated that the couple had put their Hollywood Hills house on the market for $2,500,000. However, property records reveal that the famous couple continue to own the property.

Your Mama wishes the couple all the luck in the world getting this house leased out to someone very rich who does not mind having a phantom crawl into bed with them at night. Certainly in the the strange and eccentric sprawl of Los Angeles, there has to be at least a couple of people curious to know what it's like to live with the ghost of Mama Cass, right?

Sources: Forbes, The Guardian UK, CBC, About.com

Speechless

FRENCH ART NEWS (TP): It was announced today by the French Ministry of Arty Pretentious Stuff, that noted mime Marcel Marceau, famed for de-popularizing the annoying craft, and the man whose motto was "I'm not dumb, I just act that way", today finally commenced performing the final stage in his famous, 84-year long "Short Piece" Youth, Maturity, Old Age, Death, after performing stage 3 for over 40 years. He is expected to perform the final stage until the collapse of the Universe. Professional colleagues said: "___________", but we may not have been able to hear them through their invisible boxes.

That little chatterbox Marcel Marceau finally let me get a word in edgewise today. People think, "Oh a mime. He must be quiet as a mouse." Wrong! Those hands never stopped! He was always running his mouth off at the wrists. He couldn't keep quiet long enough to put on a pair of gloves!

Worst of all, he gestured exclusively in French! I could never understand a word he was miming! Did you know that the gesture for Chapeau and the gesture for Chateau are almost identical? I could never figure out why that blabbermouth Bip would always put his house on his head before going to work, which was always upwind. (And while we're on the subject, how much time have you spent trapped in an invisible box? I don't know about you, but I like to be able to see the boxes I'm trapped in, except for that one time when it was Marjorie Main's. Ugh! Light's out, please!)

Eventually, I had to hire Shields & Yarnell to come in and interpret Marcel for me, so you know I was desperate. Only desperate people ever hired Shields & Yarnell! Marcy would gesture in French. Shields & Yarnell would then translate his gestures, and mime them for me in English. I would then flail meaninglessly back at them using random movements and facial expressions, and Shields & Yarnell would then translate my message for Marcy, from Mindless Drunken Thrashing into French Mime. Just asking for the time could take hours! And then Yarnell got all huffy about being expected to stand around my gigantic swan boat bed and try to figure out how to mime "Ram me harder, you beretted beast!" into French gestures. ("Beret" was easy, but there is no French gesture for "Good Sex".) It became a nasty kerfuffle, that resulted eventually in the split-up of Shields & Yarnell, so at least some good came out of it.

Where was I? Oh yes, the death of Marcel "All-Hands" Marceau. It seems that Little Douglas met him years ago, back when Little Dougie was in high school, so we're talking before The Flood. There are no written records or survivors. Little Dougie went and saw Marcy perform live from the second row at the Huntington Hartford Theater (Now called the Crisco Kid Theater or the Pepe LePew Theater, or something like that.) when Dougie was a mere 16, and only half as depraved as he now is. Dougie even stood in line to get Marcy's autograph on his theater program. This tells you everything you need to know about Little Dougie. Other 16 year old boys stood in line to meet baseball players or rock stars, and get signatures on baseballs or record albums. Little Dougie stood in line to meet a French Mime! I can see him showing it off proudly to his parents, and they saying, "I think we can write off having grandchildren."

For those of you who believe in astrology; what's wrong with you? Marceau's birthday was March 22, the same birthday as Stephen Sondheim and Little Dougie's mother, yet he never wrote Sweeney Todd, or even A Little Night Music, and he never gave birth. However, he was heard to say "Send in the Mimes." so maybe there is something to it after all.

And was Marcy vain? Darlings, he wore more make up than I did. Hell, he wore more make up than I do now! The man packed it on with a trowel, and he still never had a speck of color. Get some Sun, Marcy.

So au revoir to Marcel Marceau; The Man Who Never Realized Silent Movies Were Over. You and me both, mon ami.

The rest is mime.

Cheers darlings.