UPDATE: Jeana Keough

Looks to Your Mama like someone finally hit Real Housewife of Orange County Jeana Keough with the smart stick. The children will recall that just last week the OC Register was reporting on Miz Keough's financial pickle which resulted in Notices of Default being filed on at least one of her four Orange County properties.

After reportedly receiving a loan modification on the family manse in Coto de Caza (and perhaps getting loan mods on her other properties too) Miz Keough took to the newspapers and thanked her bankers, facialist, hair dressers, bikini waxers and butt wipers for keeping her looking good through the tough times and revealed that she was considering listing her "$6.5 million house [that] is now worth $5 million."

Well my beautiful butter beans, Miz Keough did indeed list her (approximately) 8,000 square foot monster with an asking price of $5,500,000. Listing information reveals the house has 7 bedrooms including two master suites, one of which includes a "retreat," balcony, and dual bathrooms (one with a bee-day) and walk in closets. Listing information shows the house includes 6 full poopers, 2 three-quarter poopers and 1 one-quarter pooper which is enough to employ a part time terlit gurl 2 to 3 days a week.

Other interior amenities include formal living and dining rooms, a 2-person office with a view of the hillside, a gore-may kitchen that is open to the large family room with built in wet bar, second floor game room, library, exercise room and a separate guest casita. There are at least 4 fireplaces, a steam room, travertine floors, and a central vacuuming system the would make our dour house gurl Svetlana crack a rare smile.

Exterior features include a stamped concrete driveway, gated interior motor court with garaging for six automobiles, Gunite swimming pool and spa, covered patios, outdoor fireplace and fire pit, a bbq center, dog run, sport court and a triangular stretch of flat lawn area for naked croquet tournaments.

In addition to her big house in Coto de Caza, Miz Keough has also listed a condominium in Irvine, CA with an asking price of $725,000. Property records show Missus Keough and her soon to be ex-huzband Matt paid $767,000 for the 2,280 square foot condo on Secret Garden in October of 2004. A few flicks of the well worn beads on our bejeweled abacus reveals that even if Miz Keough gets full asking price for the 3 bedroom and 3 bathroom unit–which is highly unlikely–she's still going to take a $42,000+ loss on the property.

Miz Keough recently announced that she did not think she would not be returning to the fifth season of The Real Housewives of Orange County. There were reports of contract disputes and outrageous demands on the part of Miz Keough.

Tater Salad Selling in Montecito Too

SELLER: Ron White
LOCATION: E. Mountain Drive, Montecito, CA
PRICE: $3,595,000
SIZE: 2,290 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: This property is an A+ location in Montecito's Golden Quadrangle and is surrouned by major estates. Situated on a private meandering drive by the San Ysidro Ranch is this beautifully remodeled single level home with stunning ocean and island views on 3.25 acres. This home is comprised of three bedrooms all with views to the gardens and the ocean beyon

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Earlier today Your Mama discussed the over-moulded mansion of scotch sweating comedy man Ron White and his wifey Barbara in Soo-wah-nee, GA which they listed in late 2008 and currently carries an asking price of $3,495,000. As it turns out, one of Ronnie and Barb's other posh properties is also on the market, this one in the hoity toity hills above Montecito, CA.

Property records show that Barbara and Ron White–who the children now know goes by the nose scrunching and eye watering nickname of Tater Salad–snatched up his Santa Barbara hideaway in May of 2006 for $3,750,000 which means, according to our bejeweled abacus, that the 3.25 acre spread is listed for $255,000 less than Mister and Missus Salad paid for the place.

Located near the newly rehabbed and quietly famous San Ysidro Ranch and near the top of a winding private drive lined with much more impressive and far more expensive properties, the west coast White house sits on 3.25 hillside acres and measures a relatively modest 2,290 square feet according to property records and includes 2 ocean view bedrooms and 2 poopers in addition to the master bedroom that opens through three dark wood-framed sliding doors to a private terrace with long views over the tree tops and to the Pacific Ocean.

The living room features a Saltillo tile floor, a wood burning fireplace, glass doors that open to a Sunset view terrace, soft pea green walls that probably make everyone look like they're about the vomit and a number of brown leather sofas and glass and wrought iron tables that give the place a distinct generic quality. The walls in the garden view dining room and the ocean view gore-may kitchen are painted various shades of pea green, aqua and tur-quawze which we can only assume are meant to mimic the various shades of azure of the ocean.

The kitchen, while not to our taste style wide, does feature a huge window over the sink which we're certain Svetlana would appreciate and the appliances are all sufficiently high grade to justify the three plus million clam asking price. While we do acknowledge that the work island is a handy dandy piece of kitchen equipment and we are beside ourselves with glee not to see a dirty pot rack having above it, the carved corbels are way to country and way to faux-elegant for what is otherwise a wall distributed kitchen.

In addition to the covered terrace where Your Mama could happily whittle away the evening flipping through gossip glossies, sipping gin and tonics and watching the sun set while our nasty pussy Sugar purrs in our lap, a chain link fence surrounded flat lawn area makes for an excellent dog run for out long bodied bitches Linda and Beverly.

Your Mama is going to leave the children to speculate and gossip about why Mister and Missus Tater Salad would list two fancy houses (one at less than they paid) in a lackluster market such a short time after purchasing them.

Tater Salad Selling in Suwanee

SELLER: Ron White
LOCATION: Whitestone Way, Suwanee, GA
PRICE: $3,495,000
SIZE: 6,395 square feet, 6 bedrooms, 6 full and 2 half bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Exquisite estate home with the finest attention to detail throughout. Overlooking 4th green, home features marble inlayed foyer, liv. rm/office w/ fp, opulent, great.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: The children have prolific informant and friend Aerial Dave to thank for bringing Your Mama's oft distracted attentions to a big ol' over-processed mansion-house in suburban Atlanta, GA owned by scotch swilling, cigar puffing and pot smoking comedian Ron White that was listed for sale in December of 2008 with an asking price of $3,495,000. It's also listed for $2,995,000. We don't know why it's listed at two different prices, but we're guessing that the higher price includes all the flummoxing furnishings.

Mister White rose to the peak of the stand up comedy heap starting back in 2000 when he participated in the obscenely lucrative Blue Collar Comedy Tour with friends and fellow funny men Jeff Foxworthy, Bill Engvall and Larry the Cable guy who is, of course, the wildly rich redneck responsible for coining that ubiquitously moronic phrase "Git 'er done" that just about everyone but Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter thinks is high-lariously funny. Back in 2006, the two time Grammy nominated Mister White lit out on his own with a money-making tour cleverly called Ron White: You Can't Fix Stupid. Say what you will about Mister White and his particular brand of base and low brow observational comedy, but the man is right. You just can't fix stupid. You really can't.

Property records show that in February of 2005 Mister White–who goes by the unfortunate but funny and entirely unflattering nickname Tater Salad–and his wifey Barbara spent $2,697,300 of their funny man money on an uber-traditional house on the 4th green in a gated golf course community in Suwanee, GA called The River Club. Listing information and property records reveal the White house weighs in at 6,397 square feet and includes 6 bedrooms and 8 terlits spread across 6 full and 2 half bathrooms.

The White house on Whitestone Way was built in a kind of a mullet style with an over-articulated but unassuming 1.5 story front facade that becomes a full three floors of architectural extravaganza at the back. A paver stone circular drive leads to a wide set of stone steps that rise to the front porch. The front doors open to a meant to impress the guests style double height entrance hall with a couple of columns and wrought iron balconies, an inlaid marble floor, a truck load of oppressively heavy mouldings and, rather bizarrely, a couple Blackamoors with chandeliers for hats, an old-timey but questionable decorative choice at best.

According to listing information the home's main rooms include a formal living room/office/study with a fireplace, a dining room where for some unknown reason the curtain material matches the material on the dining room chairs, a "great room" with a forest's worth of carved paneling that spills into a paneled breakfast room which in turn opens to a commodious kitchen punished with all manner of carved corbels, unnecessary chingaderos and decorative wood treatments that all together make Your Mama dizzy with fright. We do, however, approve of the mac-daddy range that is bigger than a damn Mercedes. The master bedroom includes a church worthy ceiling, a massive chandelier, a big fireplace, bordello worthy drapery, a marble and carved wood bathroom, and a gigantic walk-in closet/dressing room with built in cabinetry.

The stone floored "terrace level," according to listing information, includes a media room/thee-ay-ter, a sitting room, a second sitting room with a built in bar and more leather wing back chairs than out to be in one room at one time, a third sitting room with a massive stone fireplace and French doors opening to the rear terraces, and a billiard room with carved paneling, another honeycomb style coiffured ceiling, and yet another fireplace. Because this is Mister White's house, there is at least one behemoth built in cigar humidor for all his see-gars. Listen kids, we think people should be allowed to smoke whatever they want to smoke even if it is a big stinky cigar. However, does anyone besides Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter see anything homoerotically suggestive about a man wrapping his lips around a fat cigar and, uh, sucking?

But we digress from the real estate matter at hand, Your Mama understands the exuberant day-core of the White house will be the height of taste and elegance for any number of people who aspire to living in a suburban mansion in a ritzy golf course community. However, all the heavy molding and carved paneling and elaborate fireplace screens and swagged drapery just makes Your Mama feel claustrophobic and like we need a damn nerve pill to settle our vibrating eye balls.

The grounds of the White house include a motor court with a three car attached garage, several covered outdoor living and dining areas including one with a built in bbq center and outdoor fireplace, a free-form lagoon style pool and spa with a rock waterfall and stone terracing. All that separates the back yard from the golf course is an iron fence that is not enough to keep the prying eyes of men in plaid pants who chase little white balls around manicured lawns from being able to peep in the windows of the White house and/or watch Mrs. White sunbathe nood by the pool.

Property records show that Mister and Missus White also own a handful of properties in Tennesee, a 2,180 square foot house in a gated development in San Antonio, TX that they bought in Sept. of 2004 and another multi-million dollar property high in the hills above swanky Santa Barbara, CA which spreads across 3.25 acres and that they bought in May of 2006 for $3,750,000 and which is also currently on the market with an asking price of $3,595,000.