From Our House to Yours

To all the tipsters, informants, real estate agents and researchers, and to all the many children out there who tune in every day to read and comment on our meaningless ramblings about celebrity real estate, Your Mama would like to wish a very Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours.

To all the rich and famous who never stop packing and unpacking, buying, selling, decorating and redecorating, Your Mama would like to thank you too. We couldn't do what we do without your insatiable and puzzling desire for bigger and better homes.

Your Mama is deeply grateful for all the websites, blogs, newspapers and magazines who tirelessly link over to our little folly and we owe them enormous and sincere thanks for all the publicity and linkage.

Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter will be sitting down with Your Mama's Mama, Sister Woman and her family, our long bodied bitches Linda and Beverly, Sugar the pussy cat, and a few arty farty females from New York City who are trekking out to our beach house to drink down a big bottle of Bombay Sapphire, gobble up the organic 17 pound turkey currently roasting in the Viking, chow down on chipotle infused sweet potatoes (thanks to Grandma Bunny and Flower for the recipe), plunder the pancetta and brussels sprouts, and slather it all with mountain of canned cranberry sauce.

Be sure and tell all the ones you love how thankful you are that they're a part to your life, and please know how very thankful Your Mama is for all the children.

The Abbreviated House of Carnie Wilson

SELLER: Carnie Wilson and Rob Bonfiglio
LOCATION: Shirley Avenue, Tarzana, CA
PRICE: $2,249,000 (reduced from $2,325,000)
SIZE: 4,491 square feet, 5 bedrooms, 5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Celebrity owned breathtaking oasis S/ of Bl. Quiet pceful nghbrhd. Walled/gtd w/ cir dr. Lg frnt yd. Trd 1 sty rnch. 5 bd-5ba-4fp, crn mldngs-rcsd lgts. Plnt shutrs, hdw/travr flrs, surrnd sound. Fr. Drs, alrm sys. Lg cooks kit w ss appls, grnt, mpl cbnets, skylghts, wlk n pntry. Eat n kit, frml dr, lr w/ vltd bm clgs & nu cstm wndo bnch. Dn w/ 15 vltd clgs, extsv chry wd bltns. Look 2 mssv pklike yd w/ pl. Nu 1300 sf redwd deck, detchd bonus rm, mbdrm ste w/ fr drs, fp & lg wk n clst. Spa tub & h/h snks.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Carnie Wilson, the daughter of Beach Boy Brian Wilson used to have a career singing saccharine pop songs with her sister and childhood pal in Wilson Philips. Then she had a feel good talk show for about as long as it takes to heat up a pop tart. Then she got skinny with some sort of surgical procedure. Now she writes self help and cook books based on her experience as a fat and depressed woman. She's married to session and touring musician Rob Bonfiglio who also plays the guitar in a little known band called The Skies of America.

All due respect to these two hardworking E-list celebrities, but we find them immensely uninteresting and Your Mama can barely muster the energy required to discuss their traditional and shockingly uninteresting Tarzana home. Property records reveal that the couple bought the 4,491 square foot South of Ventura Boulevard house back in January of 2004 for $1,510,000, and despite having put in a "nu cstm wndo bnch" and "Nu 1300 sf redwd deck," they have recently put their 5 bedroom and 5 bathroom single story suburban sprawler on the market for $2,249,000.

Your Mama freely acknowledges that the Wilson/Bonfiglio home does have a few nice features such as the vaulted beamed wood ceilings in the living and family rooms, the skylight in the kitchen, and the large deck at the back of the house. However, we would like to suggest that in the future Miz Wilson not rely on her own paltry interior design skills to decorate and furnish her future home(s). Fake greenery atop the kitchen cabinets? Hunny, no. That big brown leather sectional sofa? Well that just makes Your Mama's heart ache. No, it's not all bad inside. Really, it's not. But Miz Formerly Fat could use the hand and eyes of an expert to assist her in purchasing properly proportioned rugs, how to mix and match patterns effectively, and how to successfully resist placing family photos and depressing decorative plates on top of tall armoires. Because dear, hunny, nobody but professional basketball players can see up there.

Most people East of Pasadena had prolly never heard of Tarzana until the stereotypically suburban San Fernando Valley town was launched into the stratosphere of world-wide gossip when the terrifically troubled mommy Britney Spears shaved her damn dingbat head at some random hair salon in Tarzana. Other celebrity and quasi-celebrity residents of Tarzana include Brit's ex Kevin Federline, lady killer Wilmer Valderama, Jaime Pressly and porn star Crystal Ray who has performed in such cinematic wonders as Camel Toe Jockeys and Anal Bandits 4.

One last thing. Your Mama really tries to keep off the back of real estate agents, there are more than enough people who just love to vilify and slander them. But we are mortified with the excessive abbreviation used in the description of this property. Certainly only the most hard core real estate freakos will be able to make sense of that hieroglyphic like chicken scratch, and in this increasingly difficult real estate market Your Mama recommends less abbreviation and more complete sentences. Just a thought.

Sappy Anniversary

Darlings, I have sad news. I've had a flog-related catastrophe. A few days ago I spilled an entire fifth of vodka into my computer. Disaster! ALL the vodka was LOST!

Oh, and my computer was ruined also. After drinking two more fifths to mourn my loss, I went with Little Douglas to something called a "Public Library" to post this quick flogging on a free computer, as tomorrow, the 21st, is the 1st anniversary of this flog. It's been one year, and 81 brilliant postings. I hope you enjoyed them, and will enjoy another year of them.

For an inspiring Thanksgiving message, please click on Gratitude Imparting Day to enjoy my Thanksgiving message of last year. I'd update it, but the librarian is having a fit about my dictating this to Dougie while kids around him are doing their homework, i.e., gaming. I offered to share my vodka with the kids, but this just made Maid Marion the Librarian even angrier. She's obviously insane.

Hopefully, I'll have more vodka, and a running computer, to post new pieces with, soon. Until then:

Cheers darlings