Trump's Place in Palm Beach Goes for $95M

Your Mama is a little late to the rodeo on this one, but we're finally getting around to informing the children that brash and brassy real estate tycoon Donald Trump closed on the recent record breaking sale of his tacky and tasteless flip property called Maison La Amitie in Palm Beach for a breathtaking $95,000,000.

Mister Trump has been boasting and bragging for months that the deal was for $100,000,000. However, according to the Palm Beach Post (and property records), the deal actually closed for $95,000,000. A Palm Beach Post source is quoted as saying the actual price was adjusted downward from the $100,000,000 in last minute negotiations with Mister Trump picking up all the closing costs, which the children can bet were staggering.

As Your Mama and many others noted previously, the buyer is a billionaire fertilizer mogul from Russia named Dmitry Rybolovlev who Forbes lists as the 59th richest person in the world with an estimated net worth of $12,300,000,000.

All us crazy real estate watchers will be holding our collective and proverbial breath to see if Mister Rybolovlev tears the house down as is rumored up and down swanky N. County Road in Palm Beach.

Elle Macpherson's Mansion

SELLER: Elle Macpherson
LOCATION: Ladbroke Gardens, London, UK
PRICE: £7,500,000 (reduced from £9,500,000)
SIZE: 5,469 square feet, 6 bedrooms, 5 full and 2 half bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Family house that has been designed to the highest specification set in idyllic communal gardens setting.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Your Mama recently heard from our world traveling tipster with a distinguished Greek surname who swears on his souvlaki that the house pictured above belongs to the six foot tall super model and lingerie entrepreneur Elle Macpherson.

So, since we've been inundated with uglee-ass houses lately, Your Mama has been desperate to look at some pretty pictures of a refined residence that does not make us want to poke out our eyes with last night's dirty chop sticks, and this house fits the bill.

Regarding Miz Macpherson, this is what Your Mama has gleaned from our early morning research on the internets: Shortly after Miz Macpherson split from her filthy rich Swiss born biznessman beau and baby daddy Arpad Busson in 2005, she and the former couple's two kiddies moved to a seven story house in Ladbroke Gardens that she did up and did over with all sorts of custom cabinetry and bespoke furniture.

(Mister Busson has moved on to engage himself to another high profile and tall blond babe, this time American actress and recent dee-vorcee Uma Thurman while 40-something year old Miz Macpherson has been rumored and reported to be dating all sorts of gentleman friends such as rock star Bryan Adams and 21 year old Vito Schnabel, young son of the artist Julian Schnabel.)

Anyhoo, there have been many and multiple reports about Miz Macpherson growing tired of living in London and wanting to decamp to her native Australia. However, there have also been reports of the swimsuit model turned bra and panty mogul shopping for new homes in the English countryside. So who knows?

The house in question, located in the Ladbroke Gardens section of hoity toity Notting Hill, has been listed at £9,500,000 which Your Mama's bejeweled abacus reveals converts to $18,933,540 at today's rates. Listing information for the 5,469 square foot property shows there are seven floors of living space with six bedrooms and five full and two half bathrooms. Although Your Mama worries about the practicality and extreme difficulty of living in a seven floor house without an elevator, we don't imagine this would be much of a problem for a woman like Miz Macpherson, who at 40 some years old still has rock hard glutes and legs of steel that make stair climbing easy.

Generally speaking Your Mama is loving this Notting Hill house and floor plan. In fact, besides the lack of a lift, we only find one glaring issue that causes us consternation and puzzlement: There is no easily accessible terlit for guests who are forced to descend two flights from the first floor drawing room to the "Lower Ground Floor" or hike up two floors to the third floor hall bath. Not good. There isn't an obvious place to squeeze a powder room on the ground or first floor, but Your Mama imagines a really good architect could work the floor plan to add a more convenient wee-wee room for guests.

We're appreciating the eclectic design of the main drawing room on the first floor which looks like a room where one could entertain swells and fashioneestas on Friday night and then kick up the bare feet and read the gossip glossies on Sunday morning. In addition to the drawing room there are several other smaller sitting and receptions rooms for more intimate moments.

Londoner's know how to do a kitchen with all the latest and greatest gadgets and gizmos and this kitchen does not disappoint. Yes, it is a little cold feeling, but try to imagine how it looks when Momma Macpherson is padding around in fuzzy slippers and whipping up rice pudding for the kiddies. A few signs of life and cooking in here would go along way to taking it from looking like a sterile surgical suite and into a sleek but cozy kitchen where friends and family hang out to watch the chef slice and dice.

Although on the floor plan the dining room on the lower ground floor looks terribly cramped, we note in the photos that Miz Macpherson's nice gay decorator has managed to fit a table for ten comfortably into the space by utilizing a clever built-in banquette. Bravo! The children will also note that the brazilliant designer also managed to save space in the too narrow room by removing the fireplace mantel and surrounding the enlarged firebox with what appears to be some sort of mirrored tile all of which makes the room appear larger than it really is.

The master bedroom, which generously occupies an entire floor, has been fitted and kitted with all manner of custom cabinetry that should satisfy any international clotheshorse. In addition to the all the drawers and cabinets, a dressing room has been installed, a feature that makes Your Mama swoon with envy, and the master bath includes a double vanities and a bidet as well as a terlit.

It's lovely to see that even the room dedicated to the children has been thoughtfully designed with custom drawers for storing all the toys and games that typically clutter up the family rooms of folks with children. This room is a testament to the notion that just because one lives with children the Barbies and X-Boxes do not have to be the dominant decorating feature in a family room.

The small garden isn't as user friendly as we might prefer, but according to the listing, the property includes access to communal gardens where we imagine there is much more room for the kiddies to stretch their legs.

Enjoy the photos and floor plan. We think it's dee-voon and dee-lightful. Now then, Your Mama is off to the Time Warner Center for an interview and then we're catching up with our wonderfully ascerbic pal Soozie for a look-see at the quartet of monumental Olafur Eliasson waterfalls that have been erected along the East River in New York City.

(P.S. All hail the Grammar Po-leese!)

Wedding Bells in Gotham

Greetings darlings, from Morehead Heights. Lots of you have asked for a glimpse of my fabulous movie star mansion Morehead Heights, mounted ever-less-firmly astride mighty Tumescent Tor, which thrusts insistently skyward at the northwest corner of Los Angeles County. So here it is. Lovely, isn't it? It was designed and built in 1920 by famed English architect Winchester Buttress. Winnie had already designed such notorious structures as Hill House, The Overlook Hotel, the Winchester House, the Bates House & Motel, Bly, Edbrook, Thanatopsis Manor, the Belasco House (aka Hell House), Despair Cottage, Bleak House, Hideous House, and Gloom Lodge, places described by their infrequent residents as "Too haunting to occupy." He even hand-knitted a special teepee for the Headless Indian Brave.


So what is everyone doing this weekend? Apparently you're all off seeing The Drunk Night at a theater or drive-in near you. I'd go myself, if Batman and I weren't old chums. Let me tell you, batsex is difficult. Trying to make love hanging upside down in a cave is not fun, well, not as much fun as doing it prone on a comfy bed, or crammed in the back seat of a Volkswagon, or just face down in the gravel behind a dumpster in an alley. And the damned flying rat won't take his cowl off.


There are, let's face it, a lot of Jokers in his batdeck, though his deck isn't as stacked as I am, well, was.


Yes, I was a Batvillain. That was how I first met Bats. I was The Drunkard, on two episodes of the old 60s TV series Batman, which was exactly like the new Batmovie, except it wasn't ridiculously overlong, no one felt life wasn't worth living after watching it, and the people making it weren't likely to win any awards for it. Oh, and as far as sexy butlers go, Michael Caine hardly compares with delectable Alan Napier.


There have been a lot of Batmen over the years.



Certainly one of my favorites came 19 years ago, when Tim Burton made two films with Keaton as Batman. Who doesn't love The Keaton Batman?


But more recently, there was another Batman, who wasn't all man, if you take my meaning. We're talking Tallulah Bathead.




You see, when I learned that adorable little Heath Ledger had taken over being Joker, I knew it was time for a visit to Gotham City. But to get close to Joker meant a trip to the Batcloset. Once properly attired, I was ready.



As you can clearly see from that picture, my main reason for visiting was to teach butch little Heath how to apply his make up. He was my star pupil. Sober make up artists are so overrated. And little Heath had been despondent ever since he learned they had pulled a cruel prank on him, and instead of casting his Brokeback beloved Jake Gyllenhall as his leading lady once again (The only reason he took the role), they had substituted his sister! What Sick Bastards!


Then Bats and I were off to California for a very special event: the gay wedding of Batman & Robin. I was Best Matron at the wedding, the location of which had to be kept top secret secret to keep it from being attacked by supervillains, like Joker, Penguin, Fred Phelps, Dick Cheney, and The Mormon Church. Fortunately, none of those extremely evil folks found out and were able to ruin the touching ceremony. And very touching it was. As you can see from this photo of the conclusion. Just check out my right hand. That's what I call touching!




Robin wasn't in Batman Buggers or The Drunk Night, as he was keeping a low profile until he hit his 18th birthday, something that took him a hell of a long time, considering he's been around since 1940. But now Bats and Rob are off on their honeymoon in Metropolis. Not the Metropolis with Superman; the German one with robots and the mad scientist Rotwang. How mad must you be to take a name that sounds like a decayed penis? It's almost a turn-off. (Well, a rotting wang is better than none.)




Naturally, since neither of them had ever been married before, whereas I have been married more times than I can remember, they relied on my sage advice, so it was necessary for me to chaperon and - ah - coach them on their wedding night. I brought the Batteries. As you might suspect from this morning-after picture, Bats got a little carried away, but I'm sure Robin will heal.

On another matter altogether, for those of you in or near Orange County, California, Check out the Costa Mesa Civic Playhouse production of Del Shores's wonderful, wonderful play Sordid Lives, directed by little Dougie's old friend Michael Dale Brown. It opened two nights ago, and runs through August 10. It plays Fridays and Saturdays at 8pm and Sundays at 2pm. Tickets are $20 for general admission, $18 for students with Student ID and seniors with Senior ID, and $15 per person for groups of ten or more with Group ID. Tickets can be purchase on-line at http://www.costamesaplayhouse.org/ or by calling 949-650-5269. The playhouse is located at 661 Hamilton Street in Costa Mesa. I'm attending a performance myself, but in order to avoid drawing attention away from the players, I'm keeping which performance I'm going to a secret.

Even if you've seen the wonderful movie with delightful Leslie Jordan, it's even better live and in 3-D, just like Brendan Fraser's Journey to the Center of the Earth, only with a much-better script.

Cheers darling.