The $165,000,000 Mega-Estate of Leonard Ross (Part Two)

Yesterday Your Mama featured a few snaps of the exterior and grounds, and today we present to all the hungry children photographs of a couple of the public rooms at "Beverly House," the Bev Hills mega-estate that attorney/financier Leonard Ross has on the market for a spine tingling and astronomical sum of $165,000,000.

Strangely, Your Mama has never been invited to the mega-estate by the lovely Mister Ross, so we can't be entirely certain of anything we're talking about here. As such, please be aware that Your Mama may in fact be completely wrong in our assessment and depiction of the various rooms and their intended uses.

At the top left we see what appears to be an extension of the entrance hall. Probably this is called "The Gallery" because it's not unusual for extraordinarily rich people to call wide hallways "galleries." Hallways are for poor people.

On the upper right we see a room whose sole purpose appears to be for drinking liquor. The entire room is comprised of a large, fully stocked bar so that one can dash over from the screening room next door to have Isaac refresh your gin and tonic without hardly missing a line from the film. While we think this room looks a mess, Your Mama appreciates the effort Mister Ross makes as a host to never let his guests' highball be empty.

Your Mama is not quite sure how we feel about a room that architecturally feels more like a train station than a private home, but if we're being honest, and we always are, Your Mama will tell the children that we rather like the room in the lower two photos, which we are quite certain is the screening room (notice the projection equipment poking through the holes on the back wall?). The soaring ceiling and elegant scale of the room give it a real sense of grandeur that has run smack into eclectic and cozy with the nutty red velvet sofa and the tufted chaise lounges, which we think are magnificent. However, we're not so inclined to say nice things about that cockamamie artwork. And the wallpaper? Horrific.

Tomorrow we will have additional snaps for the kid of a few more of the public rooms. Stay tuned.

UPDATE: Kimora Lee Simmons

A little birdie tells Your Mama that the N. Doheny Drive house that Kimora Lee Simmons had on the market has been SOLD. Miz Kimora was given the house in the the big dee-vorce decree from Russell Simmons, and like all good dee-vorcées she quickly put the place on the market for $5,800,000.

All the real estate gossips went wild. But alas...almost immediately after being placed on the MLS, the listing was removed, leading to some speculation about the status of the house.

However, Your Mama has come to understand from one of our little snitches that the house closed last week for $5,665,000.

Which makes sense, because Miz Simmons has already bought a new house for her and the Simmon's heirs that happens to be right next door to Jessica Simpson and her faltering career.

Steven Weber Flips Out in Malibu

SELLER: Steven Weber
LOCATION: Pacific Coast Highway, Malibu, CA
PRICE: $3,820,000 (sale price)
SIZE: 5 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms (total)
DESCRIPTION: Enjoy incredible white water views from this newly renovated hideaway. Located on a private gated street, this property is perfect for a celebrity, it's like living in a small boutique hotel. The compound includes a beautiful garden plus geo and plans for a pool and is just a short walk from one of Malibu's most private and beautiful beaches. Soon to appear in a National interior design magazine. Detached guest house could be used as writer's room or converted in a a private music studio.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Your Mama is going give Mister Big Time an assist on this one. Yesterday the man with an uncanny ability to dig up deeds and documents discussed the Malee-boo property that actor Steven Weber recently sold for $3,820,000. However, Your Mama is able to offer a couple of additional insights about and photographs of the property.

Located in a gated enclave off busy Pacific Coast Highway, the house occupies .42 of an acre overlooking the mighty Pacific Ocean. Mister Weber, who is perhaps best known for his role as the goofy brother on the long cancelled Wings television program, purchased this house in April of 2006 for $2,849,000. Perhaps the gentleman purchased the property with some of his earnings from his recent stint on Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, a program Your Mama has never bothered to view.

After purchasing the property, Mister Weber and the wifey, who live in a big house in Brentwood that measures 5,200 square feet with 6 bedrooms and 8 bathrooms, embarked on a renovation of the entire property, which Your Mama thinks is quite fetching.

Property records indicate the house measures 1,400 square feet, which is indeed the number that Mister Big Time reported. But what that number does not include is the square footage in the two separate outbuildings that comprise the entire property. So really, this isn't just a 1,400 square foot house with three bedrooms and 2 bathrooms. It is indeed a compound with a smallish main house and two separate guest units, each with their own bath and one which includes a small kitchen area as well.

Your Mama also happens to know that the house was indeed on the open market with an asking price of $3,850,000. How do we know? Because Your Mama has a digital copy of the listing information which we saved back in mid-May. Unfortunately, we inadvertently misplaced the listing information in our vault and forgot about it until Mister Big Time discussed the sale of the property yesterday afternoon at which point we went sifting through the mounds and piles of information we have on celebrity real estate until we found the proverbial pot of gold which included listing information and a cache of photographs.

Your Mama happens to like this property quite a bit. The architecture of the house and out buildings isn't much to look at on the outside, but the gated street is a nice feature for keeping the riff raff from parking on your doorstep with their boogie boards and sandy children. The main house does indeed focus on the fantastic view, but all three of the buildings on the property also face a interior courtyard. While that back deck overlooking the azure ocean is a gorgeous thing on lovely days, a wind protected courtyard is a desirable foil to the punishing sea side winds when the weather in Malee-bee is less than optimal.

For this amount of money, we would have encouraged Mister Weber to install a higher grade of appliances in the kitchen. Yes, the Viking range is lovely, but we would prefer to see a nice strong lady Bosch dishwasher and of course a counter depth SubZero for the refrigerator/freezer. We very much appreciate the bold red color of the cabinets in the kitchen as well, but we suspect these cabinets were not replaced during the recent "renovation" but rather just painted a bright color to freshen them up. Effective, but again, the cheap way out. The butcher block counters are okay, if they're new, but a stretch of cloud white Zodiaq would have been a better choice in our book.

Believe it or not, Your Mama actually prefers to be located just up the hillside from the beach in Malee-boo, as this house is, rather than to have a place that sits right on the sand. We just can't be bothered with the sort of maintenance and upkeep that houses which front directly on the ocean require. Who needs to worry about the damn house falling into the ocean every time the wind kicks up and a storm rolls in?

Naturally we love the white paint palette than is offset by bursts and punches of color in the furniture and fabrics. While we understand this scheme is not to every one's liking, Your Mama happens to think it works perfectly in this seaside retreat.

The circular room is the larger of the two guest units. Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter L.O.V.E. a guest house almost as much as we love our new pussycat Sugar, and we think it this guest house is a wonderful folly and an excellent place to stash guests so they are not all up in one's bizness early in the mornings and late in the evenings. There is just nothing worse than a guest who does not know better than to go to bed before the hosts do and does not have the good sense to stay in their damn room until the hosts have had a chance to visit the terlit and set the water to boil for coffee in the morning.

Your Mama suspects the days of flipping houses in the Los Angeles area for monster profits are coming to an end before long, so many congratulations to Mister Weber on his successful and lucrative Malee-boo flip.

Sources: Big Time Listings

UPDATE: Paris Hilton

Well, well, well, it appears that the online gossip juggernaut TMZ has all the inside poop on the difficulties ensuing regarding the sale of Miz Paris "Pokey" Hilton's N. Kings Road property that she placed on the market for $4,250,000 shortly after she was released from the clink n Lynwood where she was sent for her famous automobile misdeeds.

Apparently, interested buyers came running and screaming for far and wide to purchase Pokey's Mediterranean style house. TMZ reports that Pokey's uncle, uber real estate agent Mauricio Umansky, revealed that the buyers are a couple who hail from the big state of Texas who have agreed to pony up just under $4,200,000 for the 2,707 square foot house.

Here's where the trouble starts. According to TMZ, the house did not appraise for the purchase price, and in fact, the highest appraisal is reported to be $3,600,000. What Your Mama wants to know is in this era of sub-prime crises, mortgage melt downs and skittish lenders, what financial institution allows multiple appraisals in order to go with the highest one? Your Mama is certainly no expert on the world of mortgages, but that just sounds unusual. Very unusual indeed. That is unless the transaction is not contingent on a mortgage and the appraisal was done only to satisfy the buyer's curiosity of an appraised value.

Umansky says the purchase price includes the furniture and chandeliers which combined have a claimed value between $600-700,000. Which is a convenient number given a $3,600,000 appraisal on a $4,200,000 purchase price.

However, perhaps this is all neither here not there as Mister Umansky, who seems eager to reveal all the details of the deal, told TMZ that the buyers are paying mostly cash for the property, are only financing $1,000,000, and as such it's really of no matter at what value the house appraised. Umansky, according to TMZ, state the deal will be closing next week.

Listen up Motormouth Mauricio, Your Mama has got no beef with TMZ, but next time you want to be telling the world all the real estate bizness of your rich and famous clients, be sure and get in touch with Your Mama. Seriously.

Sources: TMZ, Pacific Coast News (photo)

The $165,000,000 Mega-Estate of Leonard Ross

SELLER: Leonard Ross
LOCATION: N. Beverly Drive, Beverly Hills, CA
PRICE: $165,000,000
SIZE: 20,570, 9 bedrooms, 15 bathrooms (main house as per assessor)
DESCRIPTION: "The Beverly House Compound." The most spectacular estate available. Located 3 blocks north of the Beverly Hills Hotel on approx. 6.25 acres of land and approx. 75,000 sf of living space of all structures. Legendary and incomparable history, formerly owned by William Randolph Hearst and Marion Davies, Jacqueline and John F. Kennedy honeymooned there, never before has this estate been available. Shown to pre-qualified clients only.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Your Mama is one lucky bitch, because the other day we received a stupendous cache of photographs from a gentleman we'll call Sneaky Pete. The photos, of attorney and financier Leonard Ross's $165,000,000 house in Beverly Hills, include snaps of the exterior and the deliciously and obscenely lavish interiors. Like we did with the photos of Miz Suzanne Saperstein's $125,000,000 pile in the Holmby Hills, Your Mama is going to post a few snaps each day for the next few days so that all the children are not overwhelmed by the over the top interiors and the outrageous opulence of the grounds.

What can Your Mama tell the children about this staggeringly expensive Beverly Hills estate that has not been said a thousand times before? Certainly everybody already knows that the house was built in 1927 for Milton Getz and designed by the same engineer who designed Hoover Dam and the Greystone mansion, one of the other famous and vast estates in Bev Hills.

And of course everybody already knows the house was once owned by newspaper tycoon William Randolph Heart, who purchased the house in 1947 for his long time mistress Marion Davies. Hearst, who filled the house with life sized portraits of his lady friend, met his maker in 1951 in this very house, and Your Mama would not be surprised to hear that his corpulent ghost still roams the hallowed halls of the colossal crib.

Just weeks after Mister Hearst met his maker in 1951, Miz Davies married and moved in her own side action lover Horace Brown, who inherited the property when Miz Davies met her maker in 1961. Talk about a sugar mama. Brown subdivided the property and sold off the parcels in 1966, but it wasn't until 1976 that Lenny Ross bought the big house and started buying up the subdivided parcels.

According to listing information and a myriad of reports, the 6.5 acre estate now comprises 4 residences (plus an apartment and security cottage), three swimming pools, two tennis courts, 29 bedrooms, 40 bathrooms, and extravagant gardens that Your Mama imagines cost more to water every year than some small countries' gross national product.

Property records on file with the assessor show the big house, which Hearst dubbed "Beverly House," measures 20,570 square feet with 9 bedrooms and 15 bathrooms. Which seems a mite smallish considering all reports and listing information for the property state there is an outrageous 72,000+ of combined square feet under roof on the property.

Seventy-two thousand square feet. Lahwd children, there are some hotels with less square footage. Imagine the number of full time staff people and cleaning gurls it takes to keep this behemoth from turning into a West Coast version of Grey Gardens.

Not a single fancy schmancy real estate professional that Your Mama has spoken to thinks this collection of residences will sell for more than $100,000,000, let alone the $165,000,000 asking price. But prospective buyers should know that at least a couple of the properties can be used as high income producing rentals to offset the huge mortgage.

All the reports say that the Ross property includes several residences, but Your Mama was surprised to learn that two of the residences are currently available to lease? One property, sprawling across three-quarters of an acre, includes a single story 3,476 square foot 4 bedroom, 4 bathroom house with swimming pool and tennis court and can be had for the multi-millionaire only price of $45,000 per month.

A second property, a two-story 6,365 square foot house on just under an acre, includes 7 bedrooms, 8 bathrooms and a large kidney shaped swimming pool. This house can be had for $57,500 per month (unfurnished), or $65,000 per month furnished on a long term lease or $75,000 per month furnished on a short term lease.

Your Mama imagines that when you've got a gargantuan house with a dozen bedrooms or more, it's really not necessary to also maintain and additional 10,000+ square feet of housing with another dozen bedrooms and bathrooms.

Stay tuned kiddies, we'll have some gorgeous pictures of the interior spaces in the next couple of day.

UPDATE: David Spade

Hmm.

What do the children have to say about David Spade's ocean front getaway in Malee-boo which is on the market for an eye popping $16,000,000? Y'all remember we discussed this property a few weeks back, and were particularly puzzled by the exterior, which we thought looked like it was covered in scaffolding.

Recently, additional photos of the property have surfaced with the listing information, including photos of the shabby and, dare we say, not very chic interior. Ms. Rachel Ashwell is prolly having a huge hissy fit right now looking at this low-brow version of her signature style.

We can and do appreciate a white slip-covered sort of vibe in an ocean front house, but is it just Your Mama who thinks this place looks a little, uh, a little feminine for a sexed up heterosexual bachelor?

Your Mama would never have imagined that this wee little man and his insanely snarky 'tude who bags big name babes like Lindsay Lohan, Heather Locklear, and Pam Anderson, would live up in a place like this. Perhaps we are just being ridiculously stereotypical and short sighted, but we really did expect to see an interior more reminiscent of the black leather sofa Hollywood bachelor who drives a Mercedes G55 AMG and effortlessly picks up all the short skirted and big boobed Hollywood hussies at Teddy's and LAX sort of decor.

Only time will tell if Mister Spade sells this house for anywhere close to its asking price, but in the meantime, Your Mama hopes he calls a nice gay decorator to get in there and pull the place together so that it looks like a damn $16,000,000 house.

Hang On Children...

UPDATE: Clearly Your Mama can't leave the damn children for even a single day before they start ripping on Canada and all those lovely and too-tanned old people in Palm Springs. It's like elementary school children fighting on the playground slapping each other just to slap each other.

For the record, Your Mama lurves Palms Springs, but then again, we're as old as the Coachella Valley itself, and except for the bitter cold, we love Canada too and have never understood some American's dire desire to be superior to Canada.

We have surfaced from the deep and will be bringing you some good real estate pornography shortly. But keep in mind it's deep in the month of August, and most real estate gossips are taking some time to sun their buns and bbq their corn, so forgive Your Mama if we aren't as prolific as usual.

Now, be nice children.

...Your Mama had some unexpected meetings and appointments come up this morning and we are running behind. Now clam up and don't be sassing Your Mama bout needing your daily fix...be patient and we'll have some delicious photos and discussions for you later in the day.

Feel free to discuss the state of the real estate market in the comments sections. How's business in your local area?

Steven Cojocaru's New Digs in the Hills

BUYER: Steven "Cojo" Cojocaru
LOCATION: Rising Glen Road, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $3,800,000
SIZE: 3,850 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 3.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Mid-Century Modern ground up restore. Pvt and secluded. Long pvt and gtd drive. Former celeb owned. No expense spared. Done w/ warmth, style and comfort. 2 romantic and scap mstr suites and 1 gst ste all w/ own pvt bth. Chef's kit offers the ultmt in design & function feat all Viking appls. Media rm/lounge with 92" proj screen & wet bar, indr/outdr russound stereo sys. Automtd fpl. Soaring ceils. Flat grassy yard. Lrg open spaces lead out to seamless connection to infinity pl.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Back in mid-May, Your Mama discussed the Spanish style house in the hilly section of Hollywood Boulevard which famous fashion diva and celebrity sissy boy Steven Cojocaru had on the market for $2,995,000 after reducing the asking price from $3,150,000. According to property records, Miss Cojo finally unloaded the property in June of 2007 for $2,900,029. Naturally, Your Mama wondered where this peacock would be moving his heavy duty arsenal of lip gloss and hair products.

Then, out of the blue like manna from heaven, we learned in Ruth Ryon's most recent Hot Properties column in the in Los Angeles Times, that Miss Cojo had indeed purchased another house up in the Hills of Hollywood. Details in Miz Ryon's report were slim, but with the help of our Fairy Godmother in Bel Air and our always accurate informant Lucy Spillerguts, Your Mama was able to track down the location and the listing of Miss Cojo's new lair.

Property records and listing information indicate that Miss Cojo purchased this house in March of 2007 even before closing on his Hollywood Boulevard residence. Located on Rising Glen Road just north of Sunset Boulevard, the house sits on a private flag lot overlooking the twists of turns of treacherous Sunset Plaza Drive, a road so terrifying Your Mama will not drive it after dark for fear of being mutilated in a head on collision with a married middle aged industry executive with hair plugs, a Porsche, and a prosty in the passenger seat.

Obviously the 40 something year old Miss Cojo has no such fears, because the hyper active fashion maven with the new kidney just paid $3,800,000 for a freshly remodeled mid-century modern house that measures 3,850 square feet and includes 3 sexy bedrooms and 3.5 lovely bathrooms. Interestingly Miz Ryon reported that the house had 5 bedrooms and 4 bathrooms, but our sources and information say something different. Hmm.

Property records reveal that the house with a butterfly winged roof line as flamboyant as Miss Cojo himself, was previously owned by gifted actor Brock Peters, who met his maker in 2005. The house was subsequently purchased for $1,625,016 in November of 2005 and given a head to toe make over before being placed on the market for a whopping $4,299,000. Listing information reveals that the house was later reduced to $3,999,000 before Miss Cojo stepped up with his Louis Vuitton bag to pay $3,800,000 for the property. For all the mathmatically challenged children, Cojo's purchase price is more than twice the seller's purchase price. Certainly, the seller put considerable money into the renovation and carrying costs, but that is still a shockingly large mark up and represents just another example of the Los Angeles real estate market gone wild.

Your Mama recognizes and sees Cojo as a certain type of stereotype and caricature of a gay man, but we happily confess to having a soft spot in our cold heart for Miss Thing. In the homophobic Hollywood world where big and little name celebs alike commonly hide their homosexuality, this man dared to flat iron his hair, put on a satin suit and a face full of make up and present himself and succeed in the world on such mainstream television shows as that ridiculous The Today Show, who shamefully fired Cojo just weeks after his first kidney transplant.

Ever the lemonade maker who deftly turns a raw deal into a perfectly tailored pair of skinny jeans, this glamazon has gone on to bigger and better things at Entertainment Tonight where he offers pithy and motor mouthed fashion reports on the sartorial wins and losses of the Hollywood elite and discusses the questionable fashion choices of all the poorly and scantily dressed starvelets that clutter up the red carpet.

We wish Miss Cojo a long life in the new house. And Coho hunny, please invite Your Mama over to your new house. We have some amazing detoxifying green tea that'll help your new kidney stay pink and lovely.

UPDATE: Robert Wagner and Jill St. John

Yesterday, Your Mama discussed the reported sale of Mister Robert Wagner and Jill St. John's Brentwood ranchette. We admitted to being a tad short on information about the property and the sale, and as such we put feelers out with our extended circle of contacts in the Brentwood area to cough up some information.

From a tipster we'll affectionately call The Savannah Snitch, Your Mama received a vintage Architectural Digest magazine that featured the Wagner/St. John ranchette, including photos and all sorts of information about the property. Please keep in mind children that the photos above are from the mid 1980s and may or may not have any resemblance to how the house looked more recently and prior to the recent sale.

According to the article that accompanied the photographs, Mister Wagner bought this house after the tragic and mysterious death of Miz Natalie Wood. Soon after purchasing the 1.6 acre, two parcel property, the dapper actor was able to persuade Cliff May, the king of California ranches and the original architect for the house, to design several extensions to the main house which more then doubled the length of the house. May also added at least one fireplace, bringing the total number to six. Which, of course, sounds lovely and romantic, but children, just imagine the deforestation required to keep all six of these fireplaces ablaze.

Additionally, and according to the article, Mister May designed a fully self sufficient guest house, over-hauled and extended the stables, added a detached office for Mister Wagner, remodeled the kitchen, added a sitting room for one daughter and a bath/dressing area for another. Finally, Mister May added a pigeon tower that was identical to the one he designed and built on his own Sullivan Canyon property called "Mandalay." No babies, we don't know what a pigeon tower is either, and can't imagine why anyone would want to build a structure that houses or in any way fosters the promulgation of pigeons. Your Mama deeply loves all the animals of the world, but we love the naughty pigeons just a little less.

Shortly after we posted yesterday's discussion of the Wagner/St. John ranchette, Your Mama heard from our old–and we mean O.L.D. old–friend Louella Hopper, who we know from our pre-historic days at Vassar. Ms. Louella tells Your Mama that she hears that the property sold in the $12,000,000 range and not the $15,000,000 that has been reported far and wide.

Ms. Louella also told Your Mama some shocking, defamatory and not repeatable rumors and secrets about Mister Wagner that Your Mama would not dare repeat. Your Mama just about had a stroke after hearing the smutty gossip and had to pour a big stiff gin and tonic, heavy on the lime and gin, in order to return to our right mind. Although we were stunned into silence, Your Mama was not at all surprised Ms. Louella would go there, afterall, we know the old gurl always did have a taste for the sordid vulgarities of life. Our dear Ms. Louella happens to be privy to all things deliciously scandalous and salacious in the world of Los Angeles real estate, and has recently started her own little blog called LA Real Estate Undercover, which discusses the literal and figurative ins and outs of the Los Angeles real estate scene. Dear Ms. Louella has always had her bejeweled ear to the ground and her pencil skirt over her head, so trust Your Mama when we tell you that ol' Louella Hopper knows of what she speaks...unless she doesn't, in which case she lies. Either way the children are going to L.O.V.E. Louella Hopper's wild ride!

Robert Wagner and Jill St. John Sell Their Brentwood Ranchette

SELLERS: Robert Wagner and Jill St. John
LOCATION: Old Oak Road, Brentwood, CA
PRICE: approx. $15,000,000
SIZE: 4,556 square feet, 6 bedrooms 5 bathrooms (main house); 2,448 square feet, 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms (guest house)

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: That Ruth Ryon at the LA Times is getting awfully clever discussing properties in her Hot Properties column that were never on the open market. Obviously that just chaps Your Mama because it makes it so much more difficult for us to chase down information for the children. One such recent property sale is the Brentwood ranchette owned by aging actor Robert Wagner and his wifey, Jill St. John, which Miz Ryon reports has been sold for "close to $15,000,000."

Your Mama is undeterred. We endeavor to scratch and claw until we get the answers we want from our vast web of sources, informants and tipsters. Although in this case, we must confess, it is proving to be a little more difficult that we had anticipated, and there is just so much Your Mama still does not know about this property.

Mister Wagner of course is probably best known for his role as the super rich Jonathan Hart in the cheesy 1980s crime drama Hart to Hart which co-starred the legendary and awesome Stephanie Powers. On a more personal level Mister Wagner is undoubtedly remembered as the twice married to huzband of Natalie Wood, who fell off the couple's yacht Splendour and mysteriously and tragically drown while sailing off the coast of Catalina with that wonderfully disarming and kooky actor Christopher Walkin. Ironically and sadly, Splendour was the very same boat on which the couple wed for the second time in 1972.

Since the Wagner property, which spans two parcels comprising 1.6 acres, was never on the open market, Your Mama is sorry to report we do not have a single photo of the 5 bedroom and 6 bathroom house that was designed by Cliff May, the undisputed king of the classic California ranch house who pioneered the notion of indoor/outdoor living.

According to Miz Ryon, the one story house was designed and built by the amazing Mister May for himself and his family in 1940 and later remodeled several years later. In 1953, according to Miz Ryon, the May family vacated the premises for another, much more lavish home in horsey Sullivan Canyon which lies between Brentwood and Pacific Palisades. May's estate, called "Mandalay," has been torn down, although there are still a fair number of Cliff May ranchos tucked up into Sullivan Canyon.

Interestingly, Miz Ryon, who did note that the sale included two adjacent parcels, did not mention that the second parcel includes a 2,448 square foot guest house with 2 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms. Thanks to our Fairy Godmother in Brentwood, Your Mama was able to get our grubby hands on a few photos of the guest house (below).
Property records indicate that in April of 1983 Mister Wagner paid just $220,000 for the property with the main house. It's unclear to Your Mama whether the purchase of the second parcel with the guest house occurred at the same time or at a later date. Anyone? What is also unclear to Your Mama is whether the guest house was also designed and built by Cliff May. Records indicate the guest house was built in 1946 and the interior photos with the saltillo tile floors and vaulted and beamed ceilings do lead us to believe this is also a Cliff May structure, but again, we don't know.

As of Monday morning, we also don't have any answers about who paid such a huge some of money for a property that backs up the bizzy and loud Sunset Boulevard. Which means we really know frustratingly little more than what Miz Ryon reported. So all you Brentwood people, please, give Your Mama a shout on the email and fill in some of the gaps. After all, the children want to know, and Your Mama just hates looking like an ignorant fool with egg on our face because we aren't able to come up with proper information.

Sources: LA Times, Rancho Style, Internet Movie Data Base

Rafael Furcal's Townhouse of Horrors

SELLER: Rafael Furcal
LOCATION: S. Oakland Avenue, Pasadena, CA
PRICE: $1,159,000
SIZE: 1,860 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Fantastic "Celebrity" owned newer one of a kind 3 level incredible "Venezian townhouse. Shows like a model. May be Largest unit in complex. Mahogany flrs, custom stone work, ganite & custom tiles, master suite with fireplace, open cooks kitchen, Viking appliances outside Viking grill, Private elevator, 3 bedrooms, 5 baths, Great bonus/billiard/media room, 2 car private garage, Flat sceen TV & sound equip & some furniture is available. Great unit!

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Your Mama knows about as much about baseball as Prissy knew about birthin' babies in Gone With the Wind. Which is basically nothin'. So quick now, boil up some water and get me a pile of clean towels because Your Mama is going to attempt to tell you something about Rafael Furcal, who the internets tell us is a short stop for the Los Angeles Dodgers, and the Pasadena condominium he has on the market for $1,159,000.

Now babies, ordinarily Your Mama can not be found combing the condominium listings in Pasadena. We know that Pasadena has some gorgeous Greene and Greene residences and we are well acquainted with the so called Suicide Bridge that spans the Arroyo Seco in Old Town Pasadena. But that is about it for our paltry knowledge of pretty Pasadena. However Your Mama received an email from a gentleman we'll call Lenny Loudmouth who tipped us off to this listing.

Of course, before chatting with Lenny Loudmouth, Your Mama had never iven heard of this Mister Rafael Fucal. A quick search on the internets and Your Mama learned that Mister Furcal, a native Dominican, goes by the naughty sounding nick name "Fookie," has a couple of DUIs under his belt, performed something rare called the "unassisted triple play, and a quick look at the photos provided with the listing for the condo Mister "Fookie" calls home, tells Your Mama that the short stop stops short of having good taste. This well developed athlete could certainly benefit from a nice gay decorator to getting up in his townhouse condominium to work some serious magic.

According to property records, Mister "Fookie" only purchased this 3 bedroom and 4 bathroom townhouse style condominium in April of 2006 for $1,139,000. Which means that with the current asking price of $1,159,000, Mister "Fookie" will be losing money on the transaction after the real estate fees are paid. Which is pretty tough to do in the greater Los Angeles real estate market, even with the mortgage markets in turmoil.

We can all thank the baby jeezis that this three floor townhouse comes with it's own private elevator servicing all floors, because not all Pasadena townhouse lovers have the physical abilities and stamina that a professional baseball player like Mister "Fookie" surely has.

No babies, your eyeballs are not going bad, the photos of the interior are indeed fuzzy with some sort of dizzying pattern, but if you squint your eyes, you'll find it's not worth the effort to do so.

Your Mama has got two questions that perhaps the children can discuss:

1. What is it about heterosexual bachelor men that makes them want a pool table? You don't find these felt covered monstrosities up in the homes of single homosexuals. And do not tell Your Mama that the gays don't play pool. Because if you say that then clearly you have never been to bar where the homosexually inclined congregate. Fierce pool competitions children, fierce.

2. Who is the bikini clad babe in the big photograph hanging on the back wall of the bedroom? Please tell Your Mama that is not Mister "Fookie's" mama.

Note to Lenny Loudmouth...you got any additional information on Mister "Fookie" that you would like to see discussed on Your Mama's little blog, you be sure to give us a shout.

John O'Hurley's House of Hemp

SELLER: John OHurley
LOCATION: Monte Cielo Court, Beverly Hills, CA
PRICE: $6,200,000
SIZE: 5,283 square feet, 5 bedrooms, 9 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Yesterday, the good people over at People announced that actor John O'Hurley and his wifey Lisa have put their Beverly Hills house on the market for $6,200,000 and Your Mama and all the internet children have Miz Rachel P. to thank for sending us the link, because Your Mama does not read that particular magazine...too many human interest stories about folks with missing limbs that have nothing to do with celebrities. Thank you People, but we do not want to read about Rhonda and her inspiring story of losing 300 pounds so she could carry a child. Please.

Anyhoo, The bizzy Mister O'Hurley has many nice acting credits under his belt, but Your Mama best remembers the grey haired actor as the arrogant and dimwitted J. Peterman on Seinfeld. We bet you do to. We'd be remiss not to also mention his recent turn in Spamalot (in Las Vegas, natch), his hosting duties on the game show Family Feud, and his less admirable appearance on the awful hit show Dancing With the Stars. We know that show is a huge success, HUGE, but Your Mama just cringes with embarrassment for the folks on that show. We'll watch it, but we gotta keep one eye closed whenever a former Teen Beat heart throb or an aging actor with a saggy booty struts out on the stage in a pair of too tight pants and a flowing flamenco blouse. Poor things. Everyone has gotta do what they gotta do to pay the mortgage and stay in the public eye.

Located up Coldwater Canyon on a small cul de sac of just four houses, the newly renovated "Italian villa" sits spitting distance from bawdy comedian Jack Black's low slung modern house, but Your Mama just can't imagine these two sitting down together for a bottle of wine and backyard bbq.

The 5,283 square foot house, freshly renovated by the 52 year old O'Hurley who recently became a first time daddy with his much younger blond wifey (surprise!), has 5 bedrooms a living room, dining room, eat in kitchen and a media room. According to the listing information, this house also has nine damn bathrooms, so it is just a good thing there are also maids quarters for the overworked Lucinda to crawl to after scrubbing nine terlits day in and day out.

Your Mama wants to discuss two of those nine bathrooms, specifically the two master bathrooms, which listing information and decor clearly indicate are for a him and a her. Guess the well to do Bev Hills homos and lesbos will not be living up in this house with it's distinctly his and hers master bathrooms. One is all dark marble and woody with a men's club feel and the other is light and bright with a mirrored side table and a soaking tub, because everyone knows the ladies like to soak. It's just so cliche. Obviously this can be changed, but where is a power lezbian in Hollywood going to find more of that chocolate brown marble?

According to the website set up by the listing agent, the walls of the entrance hall have been covered in Japanese silk-hemp. Which can be very convenient when you can't get through to your too dope dealer who's too bizzy with all the young Hollywood starvelets to make a house call. You can just smoke the wall paper.

Perhaps now that there is a baby O'Hurly, the couple prefer to live in a house that does not span three full floors of living space. Certainly chasing a small child up and down the stiars is good for keeping the nanny's weight down, but not so good if the baby takes a tumble. Or maybe they're just looking to cash in on the property.

Your Mama stands corrected on the dates Mister O'Hurley purchased this house...the records we accessed showed a purchase date of in 1990, however, multiple sources have confirmed what one of our lovely readers stated in the comments section that indeed Mister O'Hurley purchased the house only in December of 2004. The records we accessed did show a 1990 purchase date, but this is not an exact science children. We apologize for the error, we do strive to be accurate, but sometimes mistakes are made. Thanks to those who assisted in bringing the error to our attention.

Sources: People

Meltdown Madness

I'm back darlings. I don't know what the hell happened. After my exhausting adventure with Doctor Who and the Daleks, I took a brief nap. It seems to have taken up most of August. I've got to remember to turn up the volume on my "Snooze" button. And when I woke up, there was no mint on my pillow. (Believe me, when I wake up, I usually need an industrial-strength mint!) It turns out that Leona Helmsley had died. Who will scream and froth at the minimum-wage help for me now?

Little Douglas was no help at all. He's all agog about his new book, The Q Guide to Classic Monster Movies. Heaven only knows why. It's not about ME, so what's the point? It goes on sale one month from today, on September 25, 2007, and you can pre-order it now from Amazon.com, though I have no idea why you would. If you're in Southern California - and really, why be anywhere else? - you can actually meet Little Dougie, when he does a reading/book signing at the A Different Light bookstore in West Hollywood two months from today, on October 25th. I won't be there (Halloween is my busy season.), so don't show up looking for me. And trust me; meeting Little Dougie is no big thrill.


The image at the top of this page is the cover of the issue of Entertainment Weekly that was shoved into my slot today by my mailman who, as my fans all know, always comes twice. Scandal! Celebrity Meltdowns! Lindsey, Britany, Nicolle, Mel, Tracy Morgan (How big a celebrity can you be if I have to use two names to identify you?), the list goes on and on.





As you can see, celebrity meltdowns are nothing new, but what the hell is wrong with Young Hollywood? Why just today, Nicole Richie spent the better part of an hour in jail. Thank heavens her jailhouse baby wasn't born during that part of the hour. And Lindsey Lohan faces a nasty ninety minutes in The Big House soon too, undoubtedly in the Paris Hilton Wing. Isaiah Washington can not seem to open his mouth without a "Faggot" popping out, which makes him the exact opposite of Little Dougie. That adorable little animal lover Michael Vick has been kicked out of the NFL and faces serious jail time, by which I mean longer than just the entire network run of Anchorwoman. The only job he can get now is Dogcatcher, for which, at least, he is uniquely qualified. Britany Spears & Kevin Federline's two toddlers are suing for emancipation, pointing out that, although they are both under three years old, they are scientifically proven to be vastly more mature than either of their parents. At this point, the various paternity scandals involving Eddie Murphy and Goran Visnjic (No, that's really how it's spelt.) seem refreshingly normal.

Honestly Young Hollywood, I'm no stranger to celebrity meltdowns. I've had my own in my time.





I've even been arrested, and stood trial myself (Never mind about what the charges against me were. If you must know, look it up. You've got Internet access obviously.), but I never spent long, grueling minutes in jail, or OZ as it's now known, thanks to HBO, where it was portrayed as a paradise of hot men and rough sex. (OZ was HBO's only June Foray into gay porn, so far!) In my own films, Babes Behind Bars, Infraction, and Scofflaw, I exposed as much of the brutal Sapphic conditions prevailing in women's prisons as the Hays Office would allow. My own personal research however, suggests that real women's prisons aren't nearly as much fun as they seem in the movies.


But no matter how deep the depths I sank to, my career was always resurrected, thanks to the wonders of such branches of science as biology, surgery, and public relations.

The trick is to understand how to reinvent yourself; to make a completely new you, out of pieces of the old. I've done it time and again.

The Hollywood kids today even speak a whole new language. Ever read an interview with a young celebrity? They may seem completely incoherent, until you realize that they are spoken in a special language, Star Speak.

Young stars are anxious to explain how their new vanity project is in black & white, because they saw a Three Stooges short in back & white, and once the repairman explained to them that there was nothing wrong with their TV, they loved it for it's emotional honesty and insisted that their vanity project (Stupider and Stupidest) would be even more hard-hitting in black & white. The execs greenlighting it so the star would then do Teenage Mutant Anaconda Garglers agrees to shooting the vanity project in B&W since it will be less money lost anyway.

The male celebrity will explain why leaving the mother of his 7 children for someone named "Jolie" was "Painful but ultimately positive." That while shooting Hacksaw Meets Drill Press he and Miss Jolie shared deep experiences that bonded them forever as he was pretending to snip bits off of her.

If it's Mad Mel Gibson, he'll tell how he's fused two genres, the religious epic and torture porn, to make Saw Ye My Saviour.

If the male star is Matthew McConaghy, he will explain why wearing shirts is emotionally dishonest. (He's so right.) If he's anyone else, he will be shirtless at the interview, even if it's backstage at the Kennedy Center Honors.

No matter who you are interviewing, he will take a cell phone call from Angelina Jolie during the interview. She's called me twice, just while I was writing this flog, and I'm certain I'm female.

An essential component to a celebrity interview overseas is explaining why the celeb found it necessary to adopt 20 of their country's children, and how the kids's real parents, the ones being restrained by bodyguards just outside while shouting "KIDNAPPERS!" is completely onboard with their children's new last name being "Federline".

When a celeb couple is interviewed together overseas, they will adopt an additional child during the interview, ordering off the desert menu. In my day, we stars just adopted our own, natural children. (Not that I did that. My Pattycakes was a bastardess, I swear!)

There are terms you must learn the meaning of. "We grew in different directions." means the now-divorcing male celeb just made a film with Angelina Jolie, or his wife just made a film with Anne Heche, who is due to swing back again now.

"He/she's a genius!" means "We just worked together."

"It's all about the craft." means "It's all about the money and publicity."

"It's a difficult work that looks at uncomfortable truths." means "No one will see it."

"It's a searing indictment of human bigotry." (Not to be confused with animal or vegetable bigotry. I hate bigoted kumquats!) means "It's about kids in bathing suits having sex at the beach."

"It's incredibly honest." means "I did my own nude shots."

"It really opened my eyes." means "I'd never heard of World War II until the script treatment was read to me."

"This was the most difficult movie I've ever done." means "This is the most recent movie I have ever done."

"I reached deep into my soul and found out things about myself I never knew." means "That bastard director insisted I memorize my dialogue! I had him fired."

"It was written for me." means "I screwed the writer." (Rarely if ever does this actually happen. Smart starlets screw the editor.)

"I turned down three other movies because I wanted to work with him. His movies illuminate The Human Condition." means "It's another Woody Allen movie no one will see."

"I really grew making this movie." means "I just aborted my co-star's baby."

It occurred to me that I should stop giving this precious knowledge away. Little Douglas suggested to me that I hold a seminar. Well I liked the sound of that, until Douglas explained to me what "Seminar" actually meant. But it still sounded like a good idea, so I have decided to hold a seminar in Celebrity Stardom. I will be opening Pigzit's Academy of Stardom, admittance limited to genuine stars. Tuition to be paid in vodka.

At Pigzit's, I will share my voluminous knowledge and experience in How To Be a Successful Star: how to handle the press, how to party non-stop, pantyless and drunk without getting arrested, how to combine hedonism and professionalism, and all the other essential items of information you never receive in acting workshops and university theater courses. And we'll have sports as well. What would Oz be, without Quidditch?

Where to hold my seminar was a challenge. My friend Ken Levine recently held a writing seminar of some sort at a hotel near the airport, where one can get out of town quickly once the checks have all cleared. Unfortunately for me, I am persona non grata at most of the hotels and motels, no matter how seedy, near LAX, Burbank Airport (Recently renamed for an unfunny dead comedian. Much as I wanted to celebrate his death also, I felt renaming the airport for this schmuck was in bad taste. It's Burbank. They should call it the "Laugh-In Airport".), and even Van Nuys Airport, owing to a string of unsavoury incidents that date all the way back to Orville Wright's embarrassing itch.

However, I have found a location for my Academy: The tunnel where Sherman Way goes under the Van Nuys Airport runway. It's central, easy to get to, and best of all, closing it down for my seminar will inconvenience hundreds of thousands of nobodies. That's real Star Behaviour. Look at Little Will Smith; to make his movie I Am Legend, he had major thoroughfares in New York City closed down, bringing the great metropolis to a standstill day after day, so he could do the important work of filming this hard-hitting, human drama of major significance, in which Will plays the last man alive in a world of vampire zombies. Now, this very day, for the second weekend in a row, Will has closed down a major Los Angeles freeway, creating gridlock over 200 square miles, to film another important movie. (I think this one is Candyland the Movie.) Will is a Real Star! But when Will takes my workshop, he'll learn how to bring an entire state to a halt, just to record voice tracks for an animated movie.

As the date for my workshop grows closer, and I develop my syllabus, I'll include more details. For now, register early and often. But, you MUST be a Star! Nobodies are not allowed. You must have an impressive résumé and rap sheet to qualify. I'll keep you posted. For now...

Tommy Lee Rocks Out at the Calabasas Country Club

BUYER: Tommy Lee
LOCATION: La Masina Court, Calabasas, CA
PRICE: $6,750,000 (list price)
SIZE: 8,841, square feet, 6 bedrooms 7.5 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: This is an unusual one children because although we are unable to locate any property records that indicate the sale of this property, we have it on very, very good authority that this house is indeed the new home of impressively endowed rocker Tommy Lee. Your Mama first received a tip on this from a little lady we'll call Lisa Looselips back in mid July, but at the time we were unable to get any sort of confirmation.

Then yesterday, out of the blue, the subject of Tommy Lee came up again from another impeccable source, a gentleman who always seems to know where everyone lives. So we got on the horn to Lucy Spillerguts, our go-to gal when trying to suss out the what's what with a property. And Lucy tells us also that Mister Lee has indeed recently taken possession of this house.

Located in the suburban wilds of the Calabasas Golf and Country Club, Mister Lee's new house is a modern pile amid a sea of high end Mediterranean tract houses. All you crazed and ignorant Motley Crue fans who think it might be fun to jump in your hoopdies and head out to Calabasas and party with Mister Lee will be sorely disappointed when you run into the gate at the bottom of the hill that will ensure that you are not able to drive your messed up Mercury up to the circular drive of this house.

According to listing information, the 8,891 square foot house with 6 bedrooms and 7.5 bathrooms was remodeled in 2005 and includes a jaw dropping 3,000 square foot underground garage for 12 cars. A few other unique features of the house, which has been remodeled with a "water and sand" theme (whatever that is), includes a three story atrium with koi pond and spa, indoor gardens with a retractable roof, full gym, a professional movie theater, 2 kitchens, including one which is a catering/wine tasting kitchen complete with stone floors and oak kegs, and a piano shaped pebble-tech pool with a "party spa for 10."

Do you get the feeling this is the perfect house for a rock star too? Well, except for the suburban neighbors who just might not appreciate a party spa filled with a slew of plastic boobed bimbets trucked in from Hollywood in a big white limozeen as much as Mister Tommy Leeand his tatooed buddies might.

Or will Mister Lee be settling down to a suburban life of rented movies and dinner at Marie Calenders with Kimberly Stewart, the "what does she do all day?" daughter of legendary rocker Rod Stewart?

We have also heard that Miz Pam Anderson, the on again off again paramour of Mister Lee and mother of his children, has very recently moved from the house on Morningside Drive in Malee-boo she was renting. So perhaps, we speculate based on no real information here children so do not go repeating anything we say, the enormously endowed duo are going to give it another go in Calabasas? Stranger things have happened with these two.

As of this morning Your Mama has not been able to flush out a sale price for this houe. Perhaps our good friend Mister Big Time with his crazy ways will be able to dig up that information.

Sources: Pacific Coast News (top photo)

Paris Hilton's New Pad

BUYER: Paris Hilton
PRICE: $6,250,000 (list price)
LOCATION: Clerendon Road, Beverly Hills, CA
SIZE: 7,493 square feet, 5 bedrooms, 5.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Large motor court leads to this beautiful 7,500 sf Mediterranean in Guard Gated Mulholland Estates with Designer treatments, elegant details and lovely views. Family & entertaining spaces inside & out. Striking 2-stry entry, LR, office w/built-ins. FDR w/ Butler's pantry & wine closet. Lg cntr isl gourmet kit w/ top line appls & breakfast rm. Lg fam rm w/ wetbar & fp. Mstr ste w/fp, pvt balc, city vuus, wetbar & sumptuous mstr ba. Gym & lge bnus rm w/ fp. Maid's rm. Pool, spa & BBQ.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Looks like Paris "Pokey" Hilton has done bought herself a new mansion. Your Mama has been hearing whispers and rumors for quite some time now about a particular house up in the guard gated community of Mulholland Estates and all signs do indeed point towards a big yellow house on Clerendon Road.

Your Mama understands why this blond gurl and her 12 itty bitty puppies would want to live up in a guard gated community. Even the most publicity hungry in Hollywood eventually get sick and tired of having to take pictures with Danish tourists while taking out the garbage or having their dirty q-tips that were fished out of the garbage auctioned off on Ebay. Who can blame them really?

Ever since Miss Hilton was sprung from the clink and sold her N. King's Road house in West Hollywood, all the buzz has been that she's looking for a house in a gated community. And the 24 hour guard gated Mulholland Estates fits the bill. The community, technically in Sherman Oaks even though the developers were able to get the 90210 address, has been and continues to be home to many celebs including Vanna White, Brian Wilson (whose house is currently on the market), and Loni Anderson (who just sold her houses) and The Spitter Avril Lavigne (who also just sold her house). Previous residents include Tom Arnold (who bought his house from Paula Abdul and recently sold again), Xtina Aguillera, Shaquille O'Neal, Paul Anka (who recently sold to Lisa Gores), and some more who our little pea brain can't recall.

No property records Your Mama is able to access show that Pokey is indeed purchasing this house, but all our sources and tipsters are fingering this house. Fingering like crazy. Also, all the big tabloid and celebrity mags are pointing here too. We figger where there's smoke, there's often fire. Could be wrong. We've been wrong before. Could be that Pokey's own people planted the piece in US Magazine to through all us real estate gossips off her little blond trail.

Your Mama doesn't have much to say about the house, particularly since the contents of the home seen in the photos are not Pokey's, nor do they belong to a celebrity. We will say that we are more often than not non-plussed by the homes up in Mulholland Estates. They're big. They're "well appointed" with SubZeros, Vikings and ungodly numbers of terlits. They usually have nice views of the San Fernando Valley if you like that view. Otherwise they look like big fancy houses anywhere in the good ol' US of A, only much more expensive.

We do so hope and imagine that the house will have a full scale make over by Paris' huge team of nice gay decorators to rid the place of all the beige tile and black granite. We're seeing mirrored side tables, white couches and a couple of stripper poles in the room with the leopard print carpeting. Ya'll may be fooled by all the reports of Paris settling down, getting all church lady and reading the Bible, the Bhagavad Gita and all that Kabbalah crap. But not Your Mama. We know this weave headed heiress still likes to shake her scantily clad money maker and work it down with the Hollywood demi monde.

Only time will tell whether this is indeed the house the Paris will call home. But when and if she does move in, we expect her neighbors will not be pleased by the circling helicopters and those bloated, poorly raised, and foul mouthed Davis brothers hanging around and peeling out in their Bentleys up and down Clerendon Road.

Towering Beauty Christie Brinkley's Tower Hill

SELLER: Christie Brinkley
LOCATION: Brick Kiln Road, Bridgehampton, NY
PRICE: $30,000,000
SIZE: 8,500 square feet (approx.), 11 bedrooms, 9 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Originally built in 1898 by local nobility Dr. John Gardiner and named Dulce Domum, this country residence was set upon a twenty-acre parcel two hundred feet above sea level...475 tones of local rock was used for the base foundation of this twelve bedroom compound, which consists of the considerable main house with multi-level stone terraces, a substantial guest house with a greenhouse conservatory overlooking a botanical nursery and a palatial gunite pool, a substantial barn artist studio with gym, living quarters with a four car heated garage.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Your Mama is a little late to the party on this one, but better to arrive late in a good pair of shoos than not at all, right? On Monday, the NY Post's supreme celebrity real estate gossip Braden Keil was the first to report that super model mommy Christie Brinkley had once again put her massive Bridgehampton compound on the market, this time with a stunning $30,000,000 price tag. All the tabloids and and celebrity gossips, including Your Mama, have scrambled to jump on Mister Keil's coattails with with reports of their own.

Y'all will recall that poor Miz Brinkley has recently been though a traumatic time in regards to her philandering husband, architect Peter Cook, who was caught fooling around with a teenage gurl he met while shopping in a toy store. A damn teenage gurl! Please. So it's really no surprise to anyone that the 53 year old gorgeousness, who booted the adulterer and finagled the big Bridgehampton estate into her own name, would want to sell the marital house of horrors that she and the hubby lovingly refurbished together in 1998.

The 20 acre+ compound, known as Tower Hill because of the impressive 5-story observation tower the house is built around, has been on and off the market quite a bit in the last few years, including last summer when the former couple called it splitsville. The spectacular and beautifully restored property was on the market for $26,500,000, but the listing was removed in the wake of the public spectacle of their scandalous break up. Apparently the house has gained $3,500,000 in sympathy value since last summer.

According to the listing for the property, as well as Mister Keil's report, the 8,500 square foot main house features 5 of the 11 bedrooms on the property, an upper living room with two massive stone fireplaces, a lower living room that spills out to the broad stone terraces at the back of the house, a two-story wood paneled family room, and of course, the 5 story tower, which puts a person high enough in the air to induce acrophobia and to view the Connecticut shore line. Does Your Mama even need to tell the children that we would not even consider breaking a sweat and going breathless climbing five flights of stairs just to catch a glimpse of the Connecticut coastline? We can far more easily, preferably and comfortably sit out by that delicious 75 foot long swimming pool and look at picture books of the Connecticut shore line.

Adjacent to the gargantuan gunite swimming pool sits the guest quarters, which include an all glass greenhouse conservatory, an architectural folly which Your Mama has never understood. Unless you like to grow hothouse flowers, and y'all know we do not, why would someone want an all glass room that heats up like a damn sauna during the oppressively humid Hamptons summers? Not to mention the amount of money required to pay someone to keep all that glass crystal clear and streak free.

A large barn completes the structures on the property and includes Miz Brinkley's painting studio, a gym (natch), more living quarters, presumably for staff, and a four car heated garage, because a person needs to keep the Mercedes warm in the dead of winter.

And let's not forget the outdoor activities on the property which include a tennis court/basketball court, extensive gardens, rolling lawns, and a playground for the kiddies. All good things considering this North of the highway location is about as far from the beach as one can get in the Hamptons.

Miz Brinkley, who lives in the Hamptons full time and year round, is well known as an East End land baroness. In addition to Tower Hill, the statuesque stunner owns an ocean front beach shack in Water Mill on Flying Point Road that she previously had on the market for $7,900,000 but took off so that she and the kids could use over the summer. At least that's what we were told. There are also a couple of properties up in North Haven, including the 4.4 acre water front property on Fahys Road which includes a big Greek Revival house. Your Mama understand this is where philandering Pete is shacking up, although if we know Pete, and we don't know Pete, the aging playboy is not sleeping alone up in North Haven.

Your Mama hears from Motormouth Molly, who is privy to the North Haven gossip, that the Cook/Brinkley's have always been perturbed that local folks use the beach beside the Fahys Road property. Miss Molly also cattily tells Your Mama that not only have the estranged couple been known to shoo the locals away from the beach, "They are well known to insult their neighbors at village hall meetings, especially Mr.Cook." Oh dear.

And let's not forget the other Fahys Road property that Brinkley just purchased (listed at $10,995,000). The 2.6 acre water front spread happens to be right next door to the Fahys Road property mentioned above. Right. Next. Door. Could Miz Brinkley be preparing to evict the adulterer and create a new water front compound for herself and the kids? Is she trying to keep everyone close by for the sake of the kiddies relationship to their dallying daddy? Or is the model mommy trying to stick a needle in ol' Pete's wandering eye by moving right next door where she can keep an eye on all the bronzed Hamptons hussies making their way in and out of the big Greek Revival house?

Sources: NY Post