"Oh Yes Mr. West!"

One of my favorite rappers made a triumphant comeback at the tenth annual BET Awards as well last Sunday right behind Chris Brown and El Debarge all  performances were jaw dropping moments. Repping Chi-City "The Windy City" also known as Chicago Mr. Kanye West opened up the show performing his song "Power" standing on what appeared to be a volcano but  the stage also appeared to resemble a mountaintop with images of snow in the background on the big screen while sporting a rather large pendant necklace it was festive image of Egyptian icon Horus.  The lyrics in the song "Power" are honest and in your face "Lost in translation  with a whole fuc%!g nation /They say I was the abomination of Obama's nation/ Well  that's a really good way to start a conversation/ At the end of the day goddammit I 'm killing this shi#!/ Y'all know I'm killing this sh#!/" It has been a moment since we have seen Kanye it seems as though everyone was still holding a grudge from the incident at the 2009 VMA's when he interrupted Taylor Swift's acceptance speech. "Taylor I'm gonna let you finish but Beyonce' had one of the greatest videos of all time." It was rude but still comical honestly he did Taylor Swift a favor after that incident her career took off and Beyonce' is doing just fine as always. Kanye's  fifth studio album Good Ass Job will drop in September this title will complete the tetralogy that went along with previous albums College Dropout, Late Registration, and Graduation.

Lady Gaga Gets Down in the 90077

Listen chickens, Your Mama was away on our vacay a day or two longer than planned because, perhaps not surprisingly, we got stranded in the wilds of northern Arizona after our recently rehabbed friend Fiona Trambeau fell off the wagon and ran off with some socks with sandals wearing German tourist in a rented RV. She also, much to our horror and dismay, took off with the keys to her Lezbaru tucked deep into her tube top. Eventually ol' Fiona came back, worse for the wear and reeking of Pilsner, dripping in chunky turqwahze jewelery and shouting out things like, "Auf dem wasser su zingen!" After giving Fiona a verbal dressing down that would wither even the most bitter drag queen and an arduous 11 hour trek across 4 states, 2 time zones and temperatures reaching upwards of 110 degrees, Your Mama has finally returned home to our hideway in the Hollywood Hills.

Anyhoo, vacation dramatics aside, Your Mama is back in the saddle at the celebrity real estate rodeo and ready to go. Let's get our post vacation feet wet with some recent real estate doings of a gal named Stefani Germanotta, better known to the young people as the provocative pop star Lady Gaga. Besides taking up the button pushing mantle of the middle aged music icon Madonna–a story line the Kabbalah Kween might take umbrage with–Miss Gaga recently made became the darling of the tabs and gossip glossies after the beer swilling high priestess of wannabe shocking brazenly flipped off photographers at a Mets game at Shea Stadium and then showed up a couple weeks later at a Yankees game in little more than a bra and panties where she proceeded to get sauced, sweet talk her way into the team's clubhouse, and cause a ruckus with some word slurring and (alleged) breast fondling.

As tantalizing as Miss Gaga's wacky ways may be, it's her real estate bidness that concerns Your Mama. While away on vacation, not so patiently awaiting the return of our trampy pal Fiona Trambeau, Your Mama received an unexpected covert communique from one of our better connected informants–let's call her Rhonda Ratsemout–who whispered in our big ear that New York City based Lady Gaga maintains a super swank nest in Los Angeles.

That's right bunnies, Lady Gaga is going Hollywood, or rather she's going Bel Air. According to Rhonda, last October Miss Gaga leased a 6 bedroom and 8 pooper residence in the hills above Bel Air at around $25,000 per month.
Property records and previous reports reveal Lady Gaga's leased residence is owned by Canadian real estate developer Lorne Leibel whose car fanatic son Cody is the bidness partner of restaurateur, nightclub owner and hotelier Sam Nazarian who owns celeb friendly Hollywood hot spots such as Hyde Lounge, Katsuya, The Abbey and the SLS Hotel. Property records reveal Mister Leibel paid a hefty $3,150,000 for the property in January of 2004 and last had the property on the open market in 2009 for $4,750,000.

According to listing information the high-walled and gated residence sits at the tail end of a quiet cul-de-sac and measures 6,143 square feet. Interior amenities include an impress the guest style double height entry with marble floors and a curving staircase that would make Norma Desmond swoon with melodrama, a two-story living room wrapped in French doors and warmed by a fireplace with an intricately carved stone mantel piece and a family room with another fireplace and another intricately carved stone mantel piece and brown and cream colored vertical striped wall treatment. There is also an office/library with built-in shelving and French doors that open to the pool terrace and a gigantic gore-may kitchen with separate breakfast area and an adjacent outdoor eating area.

The hillside property has a resort-style swimming pool and spa that practically hangs over the canyon with unobstructed and panoramic views of the Los Angeles. With a pair of binoculars, Miss Gaga can probably look across the canyon and up at Heidi Klum's former house that Nick Lachey currently owns has listed with an asking price of $6,800,000 although we don't imagine Miss Gaga has much use for someone as musically vanilla as Mister Lachey who, Your Mama thinks, beehawtcha could chew up in about 12 seconds flat.

Your Mama freely admits that we don't know where Miss Gaga currently resides in New York City although we do know that she used to live not so far from the Lower East Side tenement where Your Mama lived for about 1,000 years. However, since first hearing from Rhonda Ratsemout, we've heard that Miss Gaga actually tried to by Mister Leibel's other house in the Hidden Valley enclave of Beverly Hills (Post Office) that was last listed at $16,500,000. In the end she decided to lease the less expensive house in Bel Air, all of which makes Your Mama wonder if Miss Gaga is planning on relocating to Los Angeles sometime in the near future. Only time will tell chickadoodles, only time will tell.

NOTE: This posting has been amended for its original form. Your Mama got our wires crossed as to the exact house Miss Gaga leased. We've got out ducks in a row now. We apologize for the gross error.

"Fall Back!"

America has many issues such as the economy, education, wars, foreign policy, domestic policy, the list goes on but one hot topic that is fresh on every one's mind is the Oil Spill in the Gulf Coast many people have been criticizing President Obama saying that he hasn't shown any empathy and could be doing a better job. Let's keep in mind that he has been in office for a short period of time but people should be used to his laid back attitude. I have been watching extensive coverage on The Situation Room live on CNN and Former President Bill Clinton was interviewed Sunday in Cape Town, Africa and when asked about President Obama's leadership this is what he had to say "I think he's done a better job than he's  given credit for," Clinton said. "I feel very strongly about this." Back in the 1990's when Clinton had only seen his second year in office his approval ratings dropped but I feel as though we are never content and sometime ungrateful when we have a good leader. "Until people feel good about their own lives, they're not going to feel good about their President," Clinton said. "And there's nothing you can do about that." Clinton also said that a few things I feel strongly about and agree with he said Obama is brilliant, articulate, and an exceedingly empathetic person. Understand that President Obama has his tied to his back he has a job most people can't handle he has made progress but miracles don't happen over night so let the man do his job.

"Change Means Second Chance"

Last night the tenth annual BET Awards kicked off the summer the right way the night was filled with many jaw dropping moments. It is no secret that Chris Brown has had a turbulent year the world was on his shoulders since his violent attack on then girlfriend Rhianna. in Feb '09. 

Domestic violence is wrong and there are two sides to every story but no other human being has the right to judge others people make mistakes no matter how big or small we all make mistakes. I hope that Chris and Rhianna have received the help that they need. Chris was finally able to pay tribute to his musical idol Michael Jackson some people say it was long overdue Jermaine Jackson introduced Chris onto the stage and the crowd embraced him he did a phenomenal job.

The moment that truly caught every one's attention is when Chris Brown broke down into tears while singing "The Man in the Mirror" I think that song has a deeper meaning for Chris because he is at a crossroads in his life with that being said MJ would have been proud.  Chris is the "Man in the Mirror' himself and he is trying to change his ways those tears were from pain; pain from losing MJ and other obstacles that have stood before him.  That performance brought me to tears as well for a couple of reasons still knowing Micheal has passed but is in a better place and I see a young man on his own road to redemption he is only human and has been feeling pain just as well. From lessons come blessings I support you Chris stay strong and move on with your life.

Air Minum dalam kemasan SanQua

Tentang SanQua, Safe: SanQua adalah suatu produk air minum dalam kemasan berstandar tinggi yang telah memenuhi & mendapatkan akreditasi Badan Pengawasan Obat dan Makanan RI (BPOM RI), Standar Nasional Indonesia (SNI) dan Halal dari Majelis Ulama Indonesia (MUI), serta penggunaan bahan baku kemasan yang telah memenuhi kriteria keamanan pangan (food grade), menjadikan SanQua aman dikonsumsi Anda sekeluarga. Natural: SanQua berasal dari sumber air alam terpilih yang mana proses pengolahan air & pembuatan kemasan mempergunakan teknologi canggih namun tetap memperhatikan karateristik air minum alami yang sehat bagi Anda. Quality Water: Air minum SanQua diolah dan dikemas langsung dari sumbernya dimana seluruh proses pengolahan air & produksi kemasan dilakukan secara terintegrasi. Proses tersebut menghindarkan SanQua terkontaminasi benda lain dan menjadikan SanQua memiliki kualitas sebagai air minum yang dapat Anda andalkan.

Yang mendorong SanQua hadir untuk Anda. Berdasarkan pada survey, saat ini masih banyak masyarakat yang mengkonsumsi air minum yang belum memenuhi standar kesehatan & kelayakan, hal ini disebabkan karena pada umumnya berkaitan dengan faktor harga dari produk air minum yang sehat & berkualitas tersebut. Sehingga masih banyak masyarakat yang mengkonsumsi air minum rebusan, isi ulang maupun air minum yang diragukan kualitasnya.

Melihat hal tersebut, SanQua hadir di pasar untuk memenuhi kebutuhan air minum yang sehat namun dengan harga terjangkau, serta memberikan pilihan baru akan produk air minum sehingga dapat mendukung kualitas hidup Anda.

Sejarah, Air Minum Dalam Kemasan SanQua merupakan produk air minum yang dihasilkan oleh PT. Tirta Mas Perkasa. SanQua hadir di pasar pada tahun 1996 dengan lokasi pengolahan di Cinere. Seiring dengan komitmen PT. Tirta Mas Perkasa sebagai produsen untuk menyediakan SanQua sebagai produk AMDK yang lebih baik ke konsumen, maka tahun 2005 lokasi produksi SanQua dipindahkan dari Cinere ke Cimanggis dengan tujuan meningkatkan kualitas bahan baku air. Dalam menjalankan Misi & Visinya, SanQua kembali mengembangkan area produksi di daerah Citeureup yang rencananya akan mulai aktif beroperasi di tahun 2010.

Situs resmi http://www.sanquawater.com

Outward Bound

Your Mama has popped an early morning nerve pill so that we can psychologically prepare our self to hop in a car with the usually sauced but recently rehabbed Fiona Trambeau's lezbaru in order to scream across the Mojave Desert to meet Chow Lee, his Lovely Laundress, and their Trio of Bandits who may or may not make Your Mama want to rip their sassy, pre-teen throats out before this journey into the wilderness is through.

What this means is that we're taking a bit of a vacay kids. By the end of the day Your Mama will be deep in the boondocks without telephone or wireless services and won't be back until next week iffin we decide to come back at all. Now butter beans, try to control yourselves in Your Mama's absence. We don't want to have to take the time to give y'all a smack down when we return.

Bye now.

P.S. Here's a few tidbits and morsels to keep your mouth wet while were gone.

Tommy Mottola lists Aspen ranch for $27,500,000.

Some New York hockey honcho lists his Upper West Side bachelor pad.

Faith Hill and Tim McGraw finally sell their Beverly Park spread, the one with the super gay bathroom, for way less than the $14,800,000 they wanted.

Frederick C. Wehba lists Le Palais du Couchant, his newly built and never occupied Beverly Hills mega-mansion he decided is too damn big to live in.

Country king Alan Jackson just sold Sweetbriar, his massive mansion in Nashville for a heart stopping and record breaking twenty eight million and some change and now he's looking to unload a waterfront house in Tequesta, FL for $1,270,000 because he's got a new place in Jupiter Island, the very same Jupiter Island where Tiger Woods is completing a colossal contemporary mansion and where Celine Dion built a private water park in her front yard.

"Charlie's Favorite Angel"

Last summer a year ago today 1970's sex symbol Farrah Fawcett passed away after losing her  longtime battle of cancer. I am young and apart of a different generation but when I was much younger I did and still do enjoy watching  reruns of Charlie's Angels. Farrah Fawcett was born in Corpus Christi, Texas the youngest of two daugthers. She was of French, English, and Choctaw Native American ancestry. She was also a Roman Catholic and attended University of Texas Austin and became a sister of the Delta Delta Sorority. By her sophomore year she got a small break by appearing in a photo of "The Ten Most Beautiful Coeds" it was from the university she attended but it also ran through CrashBox magazine. Eventually she asked for her parents permission to relocate to L.A. and try her luck in Hollywood she appeared in many TV commercials, films, etc. but she was most known for her role as Jill Munroe on Charlie's Angels, that gorgeous feathered hair, and her infamous photo wearing a red bathing suite. Farrah Fawcett the true definition of a sex symbol much love to her.

Patrick Dempsey Does It Up in the Bu

BUYER: Patrick Dempsey
LOCATION: Malibu, CA
PRICE: $7,000,000
SIZE: 5,547 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 3.5 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: The children regularly question Your Mama about the real estate doings of a lot different famous people as if we are the damn Oracle of Delphi and know everything about everyone's bizness. Much as we'd love to promote that illusion, it simply isn't true. Our powers, we're not eager to confess, are far less potent than many of the children seem to believe.

Over the last year one of the persons we've been queried about more than anyone else is the much lusted after actor Patrick Dempsey who plays Dr. Derek Shepherd on the enormously popular hospital drama Gray's Anatomy. Not being a fan of the hospital drama genre of boob-toob fare–we do not even want to think about our aged internist schtupping his nubile nurse at work–we can't say that we know all too much about this Mister Dempsey or his Doctor character other than the poor man is saddled with the rather embarrassing nickname McDreamy by a lot of horny and under-sexed, middle-aged ladees whose huzbands probably stopped humping them 45 pounds ago.

Anyhoo, for the 6 months or so the real estate whereabouts of Mister Dempsey were a mystery to Your Mama, a real god damn sixty four thousand dollar question. Yes, we'd heard the rumors about him living in Malee-boo and we'd heard through the real estate grapevine that he was shacking up in the Sunset Strip area, but until recently we had no real intelligence about where the faux-doctor was hanging his scrubs.

In July of 2006 Mister and Missus Dempsey forked over $3,100,000 for a 3,841 square foot New England-y style domicile on Chantilly Road in the Bel Air section of Los Angeles. In early 2009 they listed the property with an asking price of $3,595,000 and decamped for a rented residence on N. Bundy Drive in the Brentwood area of Los Angeles. After several prodigious price chops, the Chantilly Road property finally sold in late 2009 for $2,571,500, a stunning $529,000 loss not counting the fat real estate fees that the Dempseys surely paid to their real estate people. The last we knew about the Dempsey's was in early 2010 when we heard from a reliable informant that they'd done left from their leased crib in Brentwood with their trio of youngins and headed to parts unknown.

Fast forward to this very week when we received a clandestine dispatch from Franny Francophile who directed Your Mama's limited attentions to some hard evidence as to the real estate transactions of Patty Dempsey and, as it turns, out he and the family are indeed making a nest in hills above Zuma Beach in Malibu, CA.

A little peep and poke around the property records revealed to Your Mama that back in June of 2009 Mister and Missus Dempsey dumped $7,000,000 on a 3.24 acre property that includes multi-level contemporary residence originally designed in 1972 by maverick architect Frank Gehry as the home and studio for abstract artist Ron Davis. Mister Davis sold the property in the early 1990s and it eventually landed in the hands of architecturally minded and suggestively named investor Alex Glasscock and his wife Sue who, property records reveal, paid $1,900,000 for the property in March of 2003.

Listing information provided to Your Mama by Franny Francophile shows the vaguely wedge shaped, barn-like residence measures 5,547 square feet with 3 bedrooms and 3.5 poopers including the master suite that contains dual poopers and closets, a fireplace, plasma screen tee-vee and a wide, wood framed sliding glass door that provides access to a private relaxation garden.

What's inneresting to Your Mama is that unless some sort of expansion is planned, Mister and Missus Dempsey spent seven million clams to buy a house in which two of their three shorties will need to double up in one of the secondary bedrooms. About that situation Your Mama can only tell the children that iffin we were one of Mister Dempsey's off-spring, we would most certainly grow up to be deeply resentful of having to share a damn bedroom with a sibling given that, clearly, there's plenty of dough-ray-me for all of the Dempsey children to be provided with their own private bedroom if not their own private pooper too, you know?

Anyoo, a long, gated cobblestone drive leads up to the main house where a wall of glass tucked into the chunky structure marks the front entry, a small lofted area that overlooks the voluminous, airy and maze like interior spaces that are unified by a gigantic, 20-foot by 20-foot central sky light that pierces ceiling. A staircase winds down from the entry to the "formal" living area that has reclaimed wide plank wood floors, a double height ceiling with behemoth beams, and a fireplace flanked by shelving set into the crisp, white plaster walls. The living area spills into the "formal" dining area where a wall of windows looks out onto the drought tolerant gardens all did up and done over by soo-blime landscape architect Scott Shrader who specializes in merging the vibe of a home's interior spaces with its exterior environment resulting in a seamless integration of classic California style indoor and outdoor living.

Although there really aren't any "formal" areas of the house, the more casual, family areas consist of a v-shaped galley style kitchen with thick, polished concrete counter tops and the usual coterie of high grade stainless steel appliances–including a built in Miele brand cappuccino maker–usually found in multi-million dollar dwellings. The kitchen opens into a large breakfast area and a large, elevated den that hovers over the breakfast area has built in shelving, a long wall of pane free windows, and a wall-mounted flat screen tee-vee. There are, in addition to the 3 bedrooms, two offices.

Mister Gehry clad the exterior of the house with corrugated metal and exposed wood, a combination that allows the house to both set apart and comingle with the quasi-natural landscaped environment that surrounds the house. The south side of the house opens to a colossal cobblestone terrace that meanders though the shaded and rustic landscape and a sun-bleached wooden deck that surrounds the massive swimming pool inserts a rigid order into an otherwise tangled landscape. There are tree-shaded banquettes around the swimming pool and an outdoor rain shower.

The sprawling property also includes an existing barn with three stalls, tack room and wash racks, a riding ring, two irrigated pastures, a chicken coop, and established raised bed vegetable and herb gardens accented with rose bushes and flowering vines that wrap around a long pergola. Listing information indicates the previous owners, the unfortunately named Glasscocks, submitted plans to the city of Malibu for a 3,343 square foot Laura Burkhalter designed barn with a 2nd story loft.

At the time the Mister and Missus Dempsey bought their new house in the Bu the interior day-core have been exquisitely done up and worked over by accomplished Malibu, CA and Sag Harbor, NY based decorator Michael Lee who, Your Mama thinks, owes a debt of decorative gratitude to another Michael, the late, great Michael Taylor. For those not edgumuhcated in the history of interior day-core Mister Taylor is widely and frequently credited as the creator of the "California Look," a glam meets rustic style characterized by a neutral but intricately and interestingly textured palette, huge, white upholstered pieces, stone and rough hewn wood accents, indoor trees, and sleek, sexy and clean lined elements in all the right places such as the kitchen and pooper.

Now children, before y'all start praising or dissin' on Mister Dempsey's day-core please keep in mind that the listing photos show the interior spaces as they looked when the pornographically named Mister and Missus Glasscock occupied the premises. Presumably Mister and Missus Dempsey have put their own decorative stamp on the day-core. We don't know what decorative plans the Dempsey's have (or have instituted) for their new house but Your Mama can only hope they had the good sense to hire someone with a similarly deft hand as Mister Lee. What we do know is that the Dempseys are committed to an organic Malibu lifestyle and that they employed Scott Shrader to re-work some of his original landscape design to incorporate outdoor cooking facilities and a number of sustainable elements for food-production.

Another celebrity real estate mystery solved.

photographer: Nick Springett

Best Is Yet to Come

For those who don't know the month of June is special to me  because it is not the only the month slavery ended it is also Black Music Month and this year BET will have its 10th annual award show also the network celebrates 30 years of Black Star Entertainment. I have watched the annual show since I was nine years old and it has only gotten better each year. So many wonderful moments have happened in the past ten years Rick James showing his true colors with his infamous quote"I'm Rick James bi%th!" Jennifer Hudson and Jennifer Holiday sang an amazing rendition of "And I am Telling You", Alicia Keys reunited girl groups from the 90's En Vogue, SWV, and TLC, Destiny's Child gave those sensual lap dances, the good foot fellas hit the stage together James Brown and his biggest fan Micheal Jackson. All star tributes have been held for the likes of Gladis Knight, Diana Ross, The O'Jays, Al Green, just to name a few this year no different BET is showing love to the one and only purple man himself Prince. Tune in Sunday June 27 @ 8 PM/7C the main event is being hosted by Queen  Latifah.

Larger Than Life

 Friday will mark the one anniversary year since pop icon Micheal Jackson has passed away a moment in time that left the world in shock. His music inspired a generation of artists that constantly try to imitate his sound and dance moves these artist include Chris Brown, Omarion, Justin Timberlake, and Usher and Chris Brown are arguably the closets things we have to Michael. Before the fame, fortune, and tabloids Michael was born to Katherine and Joseph Jackson in Gary, Indiana on August 29, 1958 he was the seventh child out of nine children. 

Growing up he admired performers such as Ray Charles, Jackie Wilson, and James Brown. Joesph Jackson once was a boxer and musician but his wife Katherine saw something special in her boys and she realized they had raw talent. So they formed the Jackson 4 with Jermaine as the lead singer but Micheal was eager to prove everyone wrong and they became The Jackson 5.

They were introduced to the world in 1969 by Diana Ross on the Ed Sullivan Show they had several years of hits on Motown Records released three albums in the 1980's. Micheal became a star in his own right in later years he the was subject of ridicule and false accusations I don't believe he molested any children. He was too kind and that was used as his weakness. I have much love and respect for the entire Jackson family and that includes Joe yes he was a good father and manager sometimes he pushed too hard but his intentions were always right. Music was his son's passion and he lived to please others there will never be another Micheal Jackson may he rest in peace.

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Blythe Danner Lists Ocean View Condo in Santa Monica

SELLER: Blythe Danner
LOCATION: Santa Monica, CA
PRICE: $1,860,000
SIZE: 1,396 square feet, 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: After some confusion and a bit of back and forth with Jimi J. Cocoapuff, it has come to Your Mama's attention that award winning actress and celebrity mom Blythe Danner recently listed her Santa Monica, CA condo with an asking price of $1,860,000.

Miz Danner, the widow of writer/producer/director Bruce Paltrow (The White Shadow, St. Elsewhere) and mother of sometime director Jake Paltrow (NYPD Blue), is the famous maw-maw of the much more famous Oscar winning ack-tress Gwyneth Paltrow (Iron Man franchise, Running With Scissors, Proof, The Royal Tenenbaums, The Talented Mr. Ripley, Shakespeare in Love and et. al). Now poodles, much as we like to dish about Gwynnie and her superstar real estate ways, we're not actually here to discuss her, her tumescent Goop blog, or even her porcine portfolio of high-priced properties in London and New York. It's Blythe Danner's fast paced real estate ways that are of interest today.

While she's known in households around the world for her roles on both the small and silver screens (Will & Grace, Huff, the Fockers film franchise) and has earned an impressive 5 Emmy nominations that resulted in two wins, Miz Danner is actually, arguably and perhaps, a more accomplished stage actress. At the dewy age of 25, she appeared to great acclaim in the Lincoln Center Rep's production of The Miser and in 1970, she received a Tony award for her role in Butterflies Are Free. Miz Danner went on to receive three more Tony nominations for treading the boards in Streetcar Named Desire, Betrayal, and Follies.

Property records reveal Miz Danner's ocean view condo was purchased in March of 2007 for $1,860,000, an amount the eagle eyed children will note is identical to the current listing price. That means even if Miz Danner's real estate people manage the unlikely real estate mitzvah of turning up a a buyer willing to cough up full price, she'll be out at least $75,000 in fees and expenses. Listing information and property records show the single story unit measures a modest 1,386 square feet and includes 2 bedrooms and 2 poopers.

Before we begin in earnest Your Mama would like to offer the caveat that although we are a fan of Miz Danner's professional abilities, we are not down with the day-core we find her nearly two million clam condo in Santa Monica. That said, we will allow that that condo is indeed done over in a manner that allows Your Mama to imagine this is actually some one's home–albeit a part time home of uninspired day-core–rather than one of those sterile, frou-frou furniture showroom like places far too many famous folk live. Okaaaay?

The smallish, but open plan main living space is a somewhat surprising and totally disappointing decorative goulash of 1980s let's-do-it-all-in-neutral day-core meets a 1995 issue of Country Living magazine meets the beach meets an uncoordinated soupçon of faux Louis. Altogether and with all due respect to the dee-voon Miz Danner, this melange gives Your Mama an awful case of the gas. We've got mixy-matchy pine pieces mixed with a glossy white Parson's table paired with an horrific fully mirrored wall on which are hung a kooky collection of clocks that mingle wearily with a duo of bergere style chairs covered in lime green fabric that coexist uncomfortably with a banal painting/print of a snow covered barn that's arguing vociferously with a director's chair that's positively punished with a puzzling floral print seat back all of which is adulterated with an elephant sized and intricately carved chestnut colored armoire. Phew! The floors, covered with oatmeal colored wall to wall carpeting except for the trapezoidal shaped wood floored entry area, and the walls that are painted an aggressive and angry shade of egg shell or ecru or some other boring beige color are not only the excruciating back drop for this condo, but also the nail in its decorative coffin.

What is nice are the giant, floor to ceiling windows that divide the interior spaces from a perfectly lovely if small ocean view terrace where Miz Danner might have sat quietly with a generous glass of a big and oaky California chardonnay and watched the waves crash and the fog retreat and/or roll in.

The kitchen appears to have been expensively renovated...in the 1990s...and includes, not surprisingly, beige raised panel cabinetry, sand and slate colored flecked granite counter tops, gray veined marble tile floors, a huge integrated Sub-Zero fridge and freezer, and one of these electric cook tops that look like they're made of shiny linoleum. It's certainly an adequately sized and set up kitchen for a relatively small high end condo, but it's just so damn dull it makes Your Mama want to prick our skin with a sharp object just so we can feel something besides beige.

The master bedroom has an entire, blood curdling wall behind the bed done up in floor to ceiling mirrors, a behemoth bed with a lot of unnecessary decorative pillows and beige linens, and a small garden view terrace. The attached bathroom is awash in gray veined marble tiles that climb the walls in the glass enclosed shower, sit atop the two-sink counter top, and wrap around the ginormous soaking tub. Although it's arguably more appropriate in the bathroom than in the living room or the bedroom, the walls above the marble tile work that surround the tub are completely covered in mirror giving the master pooper a disturbing carnival house effect that makes Your Mama's eyes cross and knees turn to jelly.

Miz Danner's digs are located within one of the better and better known high-rise condo buildings in Santa Monica where Your Mama hears through the celebrity real estate grapevine that singer Stevie Nicks shacks up even though she owns a huge house in nearby Pacific Palisades. The contemporary complex, which practically hangs over the Pacific Coast Highway and offers unobstructed and dramatic panoramic views up and down the undeniably spectacular California coastline, was built in 1963 and extensively remodeled in the mid-1990s. Some of the amenities of the full-service building include 24-hour doormen, valet parking, swimming pool, spa and a state-of-the-art fitness center. The complex also includes secured garaging and Miz Danner's condo comes complete with two deeded and covered parking spaces.

The listing of her Santa Monica pied a terre is only a small slice of the barrage of real estate activity in which Miz Danner has been involved the last few years. In the spring of 2005, Miz Danner unloaded the 29-acre lake front spread she and her now deceased huzband owned in the sleepy Westchester County community of Waccabuc, NY. The bucolic estate, comprised of two separate parcels, sold for a combined $6,000,000.

In August of 2006, Miz Danner sold an apartment in a fancy pre-war apartment tower on Manhattan's lower Fifth Avenue for $1,800,000. It was previously reported that daughter Gwynnie and former man-friend Brad Pitt–now Angelina Jolie's baby daddy/live-in beehawtcha–lived in the apartment back in the olden days when they were America's most famous and attractive Hollywood couple. A couple months later, in November of 2006, Miz Danner sold the ol' Paltrow/Danner homestead in Santa Monica for a whopping $8,600,000. Miz Danner and Mister Paltrow bought the 5,290 square foot house way back in 1976 and raised their entertainment bidness progeny there. The property next door, bought in 1999, was sold about the same time and brought in another $2,100,000.

A few, quick flicks of the well worn beads on Your Mama's bejeweled abacus shows that in under two years time Miz Danner pocketed an astounding $18,500,000–less mortgages and real estate fees–into her now bulging bank accounts. If she wasn't a rich woman before, she certainly was one by the end of 2006.

In the spring of 2007, about the same time she was laying out $1,860,000 for her now for sale condo in Santa Monica, the still blond and beautiful senior citizen turned around and dropped $3,125,000 on a 3 bedroom and 3 bathroom 17th floor unit in the very same pre-war dowager on lower Fifth Avenue in which she had only months before sold an apartment. Based on previous reports it is here in this apartment on lower Fifth Avenue where Your Mama believes Miz Danner lives most of the time, or at least when she's not catting about with her pampered daughter Gwynnie and her brood of oddly named children.

Desire Vol 24 – Yayoi Orikami (MUD-24)

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Penelope Cruz Claims New Crib In the Post Office

Yesterday Your Mama discussed the soon to be former home of sophisticated ladee Candice Bergen located in a guarded and star studded enclave in Beverly Hills. One of Candy B's many soon to be former celebrity neighbors that we mentioned in the course of our discussion is lezbionic actress (and Yale graduate) Sara Gilbert (Roseanne, The Big Bang Theory, ER, Twins) and her ladee-mate writer/producer Allison Adler (Chuck, Still Standing, Family Guy).

Well, chickens, buckle your safety belts because deep in the dark of the night Your Mama received yet another furtive missive from Leonard Leaksthenews informing us that the Sapphic spouses sold their 2,538 square feet house two weeks ago for $3,300,000 to none other than the Madonna of Madrid herself, Penelope Cruz. Your Mama was able to confirm the sale via property records but as best as we can suss out, the 4 bedroom and 3 pooper property was never on the open market.

Records reveal that Miss Gilbert and her luhbeezhun ladee-mate Miss Adler picked up the property in March of 2005 for $2,481,000 buying it from model maker Heinz Holba. Herr Holba may not be a household name for anyone outside the bizness of fashion, but he's a certainly a force to be reckoned with in the cut throat world of modeling. Herr Holba, for any of the butter beans who might care, owns both L.A. Models and New York Model Management and between the the two companies Herr Holba represents a bevy of bean pole thin beauties including fresh faced catwalk queens Melissa Tammerijn, Patricia van der Vliet, Sigrid Agren, and Amanda Booth.

The children will recall that in late April of 2010 Your Mama discussed the trying to be Balinese residence in the Hollywood Hills that Miss Cruz currently owns and has on the market with an asking price of $3,450,000, reduced from its original price of $3,695,000.

Candice Bergen Quietly Sells Compound in Beverly Hills

SELLER: Candice Bergen
LOCATION: Beverly Hills (Post Office), CA
PRICE: $10,250,000
SIZE: 5,000 square feet (approx.), 3 bedrooms, 4.5 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Yesterday, while sitting on our back deck, picking our toenails and minding our own damn beeswax, Your Mama received a covert communique from a gentleman we'll call Leonard Leaksthenews who directed us towards an off-market listing for a sprawling compound in the Beverly Hills Post Office owned by actress/comedian/all around classy ladee Candice Bergen. Information Your Mama squeezed out of the interweb shows that the pretty property was quietly shopped around for $10,250,000. Although property records do not yet reveal a transaction or sale price, Your Mama hears from a second well connected informant we'll call Whispering Winnie, that Miz Bergen's Bev Hills Post Office compound is already done been sold.

Miz Bergen, the daughter of famed ventriloquist Edgar Bergen and actress Frances Bergen, was born of privilege and raised with a silver spoon in her mouth in the rarefied clime of Beverly Hills, CA where she was from the get-go swept up into the world of the famous and rich. As a wee, well groomed lassie of 9, and despite her famous father having a word with Walt Disney himself, little Candy Bergen was turned down for a spot on The Mickey Mouse Club. However, her showbiz career has only been uphill since that initial rejection from the mouse man. Her early films included two with lesbian story lines (The Group and The Adventurers) as well as a role in Mike Nichols' sexed up film Carnal Knowledge. In 1975 Miz Bergen became the first female to host Saturday Night Live and in 1979 she was nominated for an Academy Award for her supporting role in Starting Over.

The sophisticated and obviously intelligent Miz Bergen is perhaps–for better or worse–best known for her 10 year long run from 1988 to 1998 as the sassy journalist Murphy Brown on the Murphy Brown sitcom, a role that earned her 5 Emmy awards and the ire of that ridiculous Dan Quayle who criticized Miz Bergen's character for having a baby out of wedlock. After a long, cool streak with small roles in films and tee-vee programs Miss Congeniality, Sweet Home Alabama, Sex and the City, and The Women, Miz Bergen eventually landed on the now canceled comedy-drama hybrid Boston Legal on which she played tough talking attorney Shirley Schmidt to weird and wacky William Shatner's buffoonish Denny Crane.

From 1980 until his death in 1995, Miz Bergen was married to the iconic and enormously respected 3-time Oscar nominated film director Louis Malle (Vanya on 42nd Street, Au revoir les enfants, Atlantic City, My Dinner with Andre, Murmur of the Heart). Miz Bergen and Mister Malle made one baby together, a girl by the name of Chloë Malle who happens to be the New York Observer's current (celebrity) real estate gossip queen who also pens the occasional smart art review for The Daily Beast.

Property records and previous reports show that Miz Bergen bought her Beverly Hills Post Office property in May of 1996 for $3,100,000. Listing information for the perfectly private compound, located in a private community with a guard who sits in his cruiser and relies mostly on the stink eye to keep non-residents out of the 'hood, shows the gated (approximately) 3-acre estate has a hacienda style main casa that contains approximately 5,000 square feet with 3 bedrooms and 4.5 poopers plus a fully detached guest casa that encompasses an additional 2,000 square feet with another 3 bedrooms and 2 poopers.

The tile-roofed and vine laden residence includes various rooms with hardwood, tile and brick floors, vaulted ceilings with hand-painted beams, lots of books and landscape paintings, and a boat load of upholstered furniture with rolled arms with cushioned backs and a bevy of decorative needlepoint cushions. Altogether is has the distinct aura of being the country house of a sophisticated and cultured individual largely uninterested in hollow shine of glamour or current trends in interior day-core, which is–rightly or wrongly–exactly how Your Mama thinks of the urbane and accomplished Miz Bergen.

The expansive, park-like grounds contain a black-bottom, free form swimming pool and spa, brick dining terraces, vine shrouded patios, rolling lawns, lush gardens, mature shade trees, a gazebo, and a north/south situated tennis court.

Miz Bergen's soon to be former compound is located in the same celebrity packed private community as music mogul Guy Oseary, frozen faced ack-tress Nicole Kidman and her country crooning huzband Keith Urban, bling queen Kimora Lee Simmons Hansou and her real estate mistake, down on her professional luck singer Jessica Simpson, reggae scion Ziggy Marley, actor turned pro poker player Gabe Kaplan (Welcome Back, Kotter), lezbionic actress Sara Gilbert (Roseanne) and her ladee-mate writer/producer Allison Adler (Still Standing, Family Guy), and Craig Ellwood's Case Study House #17 now owned by by a Beverly Hills surgeon.

Above and beyond her Bev Hills Post Office compound, Miz Bergen has an interesting real estate history and a rather porcine real estate portfolio full of pricey properties. In the late 1960s Miz Bergen, then Miss Bergen, lived in sin with legendary record producer Terry Melcher. Together they lived at 10500 Cielo Drive. After deciding to decamp to the then bohemian beach enclave of Malee-boo, the Ceilo Drive property was leased to film director Roman Polanski and his wife, up and coming actress Sharon Tate (The Beverly Hillbillies, Rosemary's Baby, Valley of the Dolls). The rest, thanks to Charlie Manson, Tex Watson, and their band of batty babes, is the famous and tragic story of a demented cult personality run totally amuck.

Property records and previous reports reveal that Miz Bergen and her second huzband, wildly rich real estate developer/arts supporter Marshall Rose, also own a 4 bedroom and 3 pooper property in Montecito, CA as well as a hideaway on a particularly posh lane in East Hampton, NY. When in New York City, the cosmopolitan couple make their home at the ludicrously la-di-da cooperative apartment house at 1040 Fifth Avenue.

The children will recall that 1040 Fifth is the very same building to where former first ladee Jackie Kennady Onassis moved shortly after her husband the President was gunned down in Dallas. The children may also remember or be interested in knowing that 1040 Fifth is where zinc king William "Bill" Flaherty and his sassy, soon to be ex-wife Clementina "Tina" have their palatial penthouse on the market with an asking price of $32,000,000–reduced from $43,000,000–and where Edgar Bronfman, Jr. spent $19,500,000 on a 10th floor spread in January of 2008 and without ever moving a stick of furniture into it, flipped it in September of 2008 for $21,000,000 to financier Thomas Lehrman.

Ten-forty Fifth is also the same building where very young hedge hog Scott Bommer sold his 14th floor crib in late 2007 to real estate executive Jeff Blau so that he and his wife Donya could move into the titanic doo-plex penthouse digs they'd bought a few doors up, at the equally insanely expensive 1060 Fifth Avenue in January of 2008 for a skin melting $46,000,000. But alas, before the ink on the deed even had a chance to dry, those crazy Bommers caught a classic case of The Real Estate Fickle and flipped the behawtcha in July 2008 for $48,836,000.

As usual we digress and we have exhausted ourselves so, as Belma Buttons and Tovah McQueen so eloquently say, "We. Are. Through."

Is Oprah Moving to Los Angeles?

Rumors are beginning to swirl that soon to be retired chat show queen bee and multi-billionaire Oprah Winfrey may be in need of a new house in LaLa Land. Oh lo-ward have mercy, did the children hear all the Mercedes S-Class driving high end real estate agents in the Platinum Triangle hoot and holler with joy and then order their long suffering assistants to, "Get Oprah's people on the phone! Now!"

The buzz began in earnest last fall when it was announced that Miss Winfrey's new and eponymous television station–that would be The Oprah Winfrey Network, natch, otherwise known as OWN, natch–would be based in Los Angeles' historic Miracle Mile District. Was there ever a question in anyone's mind that La Oprah, a gal prone to bellowing and grandiose statements, was going to name that tee-vee channel after herself? No, there really wasn't, was there?

Anyhoo, the beat of the scuttlebutt drum has only gotten louder with the more recent news that the self-made media maven hired Los Angeles-based money manager Peter Adamson to set up and run a so-called "family office" to handle her personal investments and fat fortune. La Oprah's Mister Adamson happens to be the very same Peter Adamson who serves as the chief investment officer for the private wealth of real estate billionaire and art collecting king Eli Broad. Birds of a feather and all that.... It stands to reason that if La Oprah's new bizness venture is located in Los Angeles and her money man is in Los Angeles–or more specifically in Santa Monica–then the impressively driven diva will also want a place to hang her Louboutins in Los Angeles too.

Of course, Miss Winfrey already owns a conspicuously flatulent 42-acre compound with a lavish 23,000 square foot manor house in Montecito, CA that she's rather preciously dubbed The Promised Land, but unless she commutes daily by private helicopter–and who would put it past the ladee if she were to do just that?–it seems likely that Miss Winfrey will want and require a pied a terre in Tinseltown.

Certainly it would not surprise celebrity real estate watchers or any of her army of done drank the Kool-Aid Oprahites iffin the big livin' billionairess splashed out twenty or thirty million clams for a grand estate like, say, mortgage making mogul Mark Cohen's recently overhauled 7 bedroom and 11 pooper Paul Williams designed digs in the Holmby Hills listed at $28,500,000, or maybe even airplane leasing pooh-bah Lou Gonda's 24,000 square foot, 12 bedroom and 21 pooper Peter Choate designed spread, also listed at $28,500,000, located up behind the Beverly Hills Hotel in the 90210.

However, iffin Your Mama were the betting type–and we are most definitely not–we would probably put money on the majorly moneyed media maven scooping up a posh penthouse apartment in one of the better and more expensive but boring full-service buildings along the Wilshire Corridor that will provide a modicum of privacy from the pack of paps likely to follow her around town like white on rice. Besides, it's not like La Oprah hasn't owned about a million and one condos over the course of her rich life–on Florida's Fishers Island and in Atlanta, and Chicago–and, at the risk of looking like a total ass, Your Mama assumes that the full figured tycoon's primary west coast fiefdom will remain her $40,000,000 promised land in Montecito.